Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Warcraft

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Warcraft: The Beginning (Universal Pictures)

Directed by Duncan Jones

Written by Charles Leavitt, Duncan Jones and Chris Metzen  Based on Warcraft by Blizzard Entertainment

Starring Travis FimmelPaula PattonBen FosterDominic CooperToby KebbellBen SchnetzerRobert Kazinsky & Daniel Wu

Warcraft: The Beginning is so much better than I thought it would be. I have always loved the cut scenes from World of Warcraft. The cut scenes in that game are extremely cinematic. They are the best thing about the game. They are incredible. So, I knew Warcraft the movie could never compete with those tiny animated scenes (that are amazingly bad-ass. I kid you not). So I didn’t expect much. I also read a lot of people saying that it’s the worst movie from this year. I couldn’t agree less. I liked it a lot. It was nowhere near as good as the cut scenes in the video game but honestly that would have been nearly impossible.

Verdict: SPARED

Warcraft 6

If you have never played WoW (World of Warcraft) then I get that a lot of the joy of this film is lost on you. I get it. But Warcraft: The Beginning is a perfect video game movie. The best of all time in my opinion. It combines so may aspects of game play into its story. And because of the way it’s filmed, it’s almost too familiar. It is a joy to watch.

Warcraft 4

And that’s because most of Warcraft was green screen or blue screen, the locations are perfect replicas of the game rooms and locations. To the point where I achieved wood. Not a half chub but a full on chubby walnuts. Forget how bad the acting was. The film was gorgeous and I was fully aroused.

Warcraft

And still I get it. The acting is not that good. Neither is the dialogue. But the story is familiar and the look is perfect and the actors are good at the physical parts. Like for instance I tried to watch Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and the actors were great actors but they couldn’t do the physical parts, so they either slowed down the action for them or just put it off camera which is maddening because you want to see the kills in a zombie movie (am I right?) and I couldn’t even watch it. I turned it off. That’s why there will be no P&P&Z review. This is also why Tom Cruise has all the money in the world. He’s a great actor AND he can do the physical parts. You have to find a happy medium people. I’m tired of good actors who obviously can’t handle a sword or throw a punch and I’m also tired of these athletic types who look awesome doing action but can’t act for shit. Warcraft finds a center. The actors aren’t great thespians but they’re okay and they look good doing the physical bits. Warcraft is pretty awesome.

Warcraft 7

I’m sorry if you didn’t like it. It’s not for you. It’s for the fans. I was a fan of WoW. Okay I was a fan of WoW up until it got racist RANT ALERT like soon after Obama was elected. For those of you fuckers who blame Obama for all the rampant racism, I can remember that time. I understand your confusion. Because when Obama got elected the motherfucking racists lost their motherfucking minds. I couldn’t stay in anything resembling a chat room in the game. I couldn’t visit the cities. I couldn’t find a guild. It was awful. It was aggressive and it was moderated by sympathetic racist puppets. I’m sorry. I’m getting angry. Because I complained all the time. They even suspended me when I started to fight back against it. (They suspended ME) But anyway. I really loved the game I just hated the people playing it.

Warcraft 3

I haven’t played WoW in seven years and just judging by YouTube comments and Facebook and Twitter I’m guessing WoW is still a recruitment tool for the KKK. But this movie (we’re still talking about the movie) is nice to look at and there are no chat channels with the grossest racism that is never reprimanded. Oh my god, I have never been called nigger so much as playing two video games online: the chess app Chess with friends. (There is nothing that pisses off a racist more than a black man beating them in chess), and while playing WoW. Even the people who were in my guild would call some other players niggers and then justify it to me when I objected in the most fucked up ways. They’d say, (I’m sorry but I have to continue this thought) “We’re not trying to be racist. We know you’re black. But these players just act like niggers. You know, like real niggers. That’s all. No offense.”

Warcraft 2

Offense taken. RANT OVER This review got way off track.

Warcraft: The Beginning was entertaining. I plan to buy it. I loved the look. I loved the story. I used to love playing WoW and loved the cut scenes, and Warcraft reminded me of the best parts of that. It was fun to be in the World of Warcraft once again.

Warcraft: The Beginning is like one big video game cut scene with live actors and cool action and I liked it more than I thought I would.

Amazing.

– Mel

Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Z for Zachariah

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Z for Zachariah (Roadside Attractions)

Z for Zachariah poster

Directed by Craig Zobel

Written by Nissar Modi  Based on Z for Zachariah by Robert C. O’Brien

Starring Margot RobbieChris Pine & Chiwetel Ejiofor

WARNING: This review is just a rant. If you don’t want to hear me prattle on about perceived racism in an otherwise innocuous post-apocalyptic science fiction drama please don’t continue reading this. I’m not proud of it.

Margot Robbie

“I think I’m gonna need a little more wine for this.”

Z for Zachariah is the most subversive, racist, anti-intellectual piece of shit movie I have ever seen. And the northern, non-religious, African-American scientist who is at least twice the age of the last woman, dare I say white woman, on earth is threatened by an equally religious, age-appropriate sexy white boy who wanders into their makeshift family farm in the last living valley on earth, or at least America, or at least in driving distance. Not only does this crappy film hammer these religious themes over our heads, it feeds into this interracial angst that perfectly clarifies how aggressively racist Z for Zachariah turns out to be in the end. And make no mistake, I’m talking about the ending. So yes, I am going to spoil it. I’m going to spoil the whole damn thing. I’m gonna spoil the shit out of this movie. I know sometimes I say that and don’t mean it. I fucking mean it this time.

Verdict: SPOILED

Caleb and Loomis

“This seems unsafe, Mr. Cheney.”

SPOILER ALERT

Z for Zachariah is nothing like the book. The character of Loomis from the book is divided into two characters. An older black scientists and a young white stranger. The title is taken from a book called A for Adam. A children’s book found in the library of the last woman on earth. In the original book she is a teenager. Here she’s a bit older. As a teenager she believes if A for Adam is the first man on earth. Z for Zechariah must be the last. In the book she is alone until a strange man comes along and treats her badly. In this movie, like I said, there are two men and neither one is a peach.

Z-for-Zechariah cast

“Man, I will hit you with this frying pan. Get away from my woman.”

Margot Robbie plays the last teenage girl on earth. She lives in the last living valley, alive because it has its own eco-system, unaffected by the nuclear fallout. She is too hot to play this role by a factor of ten. At one point Loomis turns down sex with her. Which makes absolutely no sense except that the filmmakers know their American audience. A group who want to be angered thinking about interracial romance but would turn it off if it happens on-screen. No. Any sexualized contact between her and Loomis is overly aggressive and violent, like in the book. Except that here Caleb, the other Loomis, played by Chris Pine does have sex with her. The male character is split in two and they are an American demographic dichotomy. Religious, Intellectual and Racial opposites. One is Southern, the other Northern. It could not be hammered home any harder. Except if maybe one were wearing an Obama pin and the other had a Ronald Reagan tattoo.

z-for-zachariah

“Remember when I told you about the friend in my pants? Want to meet him?” “I don’t know mister. God could be watching us.” “There is no god.”

Chiwetel Ejiofor plays Loomis the intellectual, northern, atheist, African-American scientist, who is, for all intents and purposes, the hero of the story, he fixes her generator and builds a hydro-electric pump. He saves her from her loneliness. Her savior, except for the fact that he’s black and an atheist and a scientist and an older man and of course trying to get with the white women. I know, I know, but the movie is just so heavy-handed with it. And that was never what the story was about. But we are given this false dilemma where he needs to tear down the church in order to build his hydro-electric power thingy. Which is no choice at all but the way it’s played like the bad scientist wants to destroy religion for progress. Or more accurately, it’s not played that way. It stays right on the fence like these are two equally viable choices. And that sort of ambiguity, in my opinion, would only serve to placate those who would think keeping the church standing is equal to having electricity, heat, light, refrigeration, etc.

Chris Pine and Margot Robbie

“I’m sorry. But it’s true what they say. I just can’t go back.”

I know some well-meaning people will watch the same movie and think I’m seeing things. I’m not. By the end the two men in this awkward love triangle; The good-looking southern boy and, the mean old church destroying black guy have spent most of the movie thinking about killing each other. This is shown in creepy looks and at one point they go hunting and each one, at some point during their outing, points their gun at the back of the other’s head. But it’s the open-ended resolution. Kind of like the fence straddling about the church. When Loomis comes back alone from the generator. Did he kill Caleb? Of course he must have. Not our Loomis. Or did he? And it’s more bullshit, because to someone with an already existent prejudice, there’s no mystery at all. He is everything they hate from before the movie started. A movie designed to foment racial animus and anti-intellectualism and northern hatred in those who already have the predilection.

Loomis

“Hello-hello-hello-hello-lo-lo-lo… Where the white women at-at-at-at-at-at?”

I know racist shit in disguise when I see it. That’s what Z for Zachariah is. From the black guy wanting to tear down the church and have babies with the little white girl to him killing the good-looking white stranger. What the hell, man? But do you know what? If they would have simply shown him kill the guy. Make Loomis the bad guy that he is in the book. It wouldn’t be as racist as it is. It’s in its decision to leave the conclusion up to the fears of the viewer that makes it as evil as it turns out to be. It is the hatred that is already there that it aims to trigger. And that’s precisely why some won’t see this huge racist and anti-intellectual element of this film. But I did… wait. What does that say about me?

Chiwetel Ejiofor

“It’s just a movie, man. Now pardon me while I stare menacingly down this sniper rifle.”

In short, Z for Zachariah is some racist crap.

– Mel

Uncle Tom’s Employment Agency

Are you a job creator that could use a “diversity hire” to fill-out a government quota but you’re too afraid you’ll end up with a black radical, black panther or reverse racist?

Mitt Romney

“Binders full of black people, I do not have. So, um… Yes.”

Yes.

Are you sick and tired of having to check to see if any minorities are around before telling the latest Obama So Black joke at work? I’m talking to you big guy.

“Here’s one you may not have heard. Obama is so black…” Just say yes, Donald. “Yes.”

Yes.

Do you believe that reverse racism is more than just something white supremacists invented as a way to justify their hatred and hide their political impotence?

“Let me tell you something about the Negro…”

You know what. Don’t answer that last question. Just call…

Uncle Tom’s Employment Agency.

We have the black candidates that wont make you feel insecure about your bigotry.

We have the Negroes for you.

Ben Carson

“This blog post is the worst thing since slavery.”

Uncle Tom’s Employment Agency 

We have the job applicants that will allow you to feel secure about telling racist jokes at the office. Our men have the blackest skin with the most perfect diction. You’d swear they were just normal people by listening to them but trust me they’re all black. You’ll be amazed. And our black women candidates are some of lightest-skinned “sistahs” around. They all self-identify as white women, but don’t you worry. They know which box to check off at tax time and with little to no sass or back talk. In no time at all you’ll be known as An Equal Opportunity Employer.

Amy Holmes

“I’m not black. My father was from Africa. Ah-free-ca. We weren’t slaves.”

The first thing your clients will say when they see your new hire will be “My god! What a credit to his race.” or they’ll ask “She’s only half black isn’t she?” (as if there’s such a thing). And go ahead and tell that aggressively and disgustingly racist joke in front of them. They can take it. They’re just that good.

Allen West

“You’re reading the blog of someone who despises you. I should know. I hate everyone.”

Now here comes the tricky part. After you’ve told your racist joke in front of one of our highly qualified “black” applicants, a few moments will pass (it will seem to everyone in the room as if it’s been long minutes spent in tense silence). Don’t be alarmed. This is done on purpose. The tension build up will make the pay off all the more sweeter as our candidate will laugh at the joke. But not just laugh, he’ll say “Good one.” and “I heard THAT.” and “I can’t wait to tell my wife that one.” (Don’t worry none of our candidates have white wives. That would be wrong)

Clarence Thomas

“I do not respect my wife’s decision to marry a black man… Sorry Honey, I’m under oath.”

All our candidates are skilled in the best fake laughter. You’ll swear he’s pissing his pants while making full eye contact with the “racist joke” teller in the most submissive way possible (without seeming gay of course) and did you know he’ll even give that bigoted individual an extra little smile just to let them know that THIS Negro isn’t one of THOSE.

*Ask about our Black Republicans. Black Yes Men. And Dark-Skinned Right-Wing Pundits who will agree begrudgingly to the most hateful racist rhetoric with a nervous smile. (as seen on Fox News)

Michael Steele

” Now everybody be cool. He’s not calling us Uncle Toms. It’s just the name of the agency.”

Uncle Tom’s Employment Agency

Make sure to ask your new diversity hire about his thoughts on Ferguson or the Confederate Flag and he’ll answer, “Confederate is just another word for friend.” or he’ll joke,  “You mean Sarah Ferguson the Duchess of York?” And it will all seem as non-confrontational and submissive like as if he were calling you “Massah” without the slightest bit of irony. (*because of ongoing litigation our candidates will not and can not refer to you as “Master”, “Massah”, “Suh Boss” or “Bossman” and will in fact call you by your first name as if you were good friends).

Ask them about #BlackLivesMatter or the Black Lives Matter movement and our candidate will smile sheepishly and tell you reassuringly that he thinks ALL lives matter (without throwing up a little in his mouth).

Senator Scott

“I am opposed to this blog post in every way. Unless I’m told to believe otherwise.”

Uncle Tom’s Employment Agency will send you the colored faces that can fill out any staff photo, Human Resources pamphlet or Police Brutality Press Conference Podium.

Uncle Tom’s Employment Agency will fill your color quota without creating the hostile, “dark” and scary workplace of your worst nightmares.

Uncle Tom’s Employment Agency will work with you and your lawyers to bring you the diversity hire of your dreams. Our candidates will always be “one of the good ones.” We guarantee it. (guarantee void after 6 month probationary period)

Condi Rice

“Melvin, I swear, if you call me an Aunt Jemima, I will cut you.”

Uncle Tom’s

Satisfying your employment needs since 1648

…………………………………………………………………………………………

User Comments 1-5 of 209

anonymous Writes: We used your service earlier this year and were quite happy with our “black person.” But after his 6 month probationary period, he became a full-time employee and he changed practically over-night. He put up a photo of Malcolm X in his cubicle where everyone could see it. Last week he wore a Dashiki to work on casual Friday. Is this a bait & switch? He’s talking lawsuit. I can’t be sued again. I just can’t.

wutangfan69 Writes: I had a similar experience to the previous commenter. It was like he changed all of a sudden. The look he gave me when I innocently called him “Mah N****h.” I meant nothing bad. They say it all the time to each other. I can still see his angry eyes. I was afraid to go to work this morning and I’m the owner. You have Ben Carson and Clarence Thomas in your ad. But what you sent me was more like Wesley Snipes.

aynrand4ever Writes: You can’t say you’re sending a non-threatening black yes-man and send a highly intelligent and qualified n-word who’s now competing for MY job. You see that? I’m saying “n-word” now. He’s got me afraid to even type the word n-word. You should be ashamed of yourselves. I will never use your service again.

ngryblkmn38 Writes: 6 years after taking office, your “candidate” is walking around like he owns the place. I think they call it swagger. But I’m not complaining. It’s kind of nice.

dtrumpjrjr Writes: I specifically requested a “mammy” type, light-skinned African-American female to be my personal assistant. But I was not aware that I wouldn’t be able to pat her on the butt every once in a while. They have such nice… She broke my arm in three places. Can I get a refund?

Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: Dear White People

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Dear White People (Lionsgate)

Dear White People Afro Poster

Written & Directed by Justin Simien

Starring Tyler James WilliamsTessa Thompson, Teyonah Parris, Brandon P Bell, Kyle GallnerBrittany CurranDennis Haysbert & Marque Richardson

Dear White People is the first film from a talented director. Surprisingly, I liked it even though it involves two of my least favorite elements. I hate college films. I hate films about colleges and films made in college and this film is both of those. I also hate films whose only reason for being is to talk about race relations. Not historical movies where people’s views on race are a big part of the history or the time, but movies that try to discuss race relations in the now. It’s one of the reasons that I dislike most of Spike Lee’s movies (Except for X and Mo Better Blues). So I should hate Dear White People because of these two things. But this first-time director, Justin Simien, does such a great job with the story and the characters and the relationships and the actors that I was too busy liking the film to be mad at it. Dear White People, underneath all the race stuff, is actually a good movie.

Verdict: SPARED

Black People

Dear White People is a socially and politically charged, college comedy based on the stories of real costume parties thrown at prestigious universities that featured white students dressing up in black-face, having hip-hop or ghetto themed, racially insensitive fun. This happens too often in our society; Stupid kids doing stupid things (as always I blame the parents). Dear White People deals with one of those parties, the reaction, the aftermath and the racial tensions on campus. Showing differences in the black student’s views on race and of course black hair. Hair is always a big theme in black movies.

Dear White People Cast of Characters

The story of Dear White People follows four college students at the same Ivy-league university with completely different views on race and race relations: A young woman with a radio show that I have to describe as “of mixed race” because a story this polluted with racial politics demands that I do. Her show is called Dear White People and it’s a tongue-in-cheek discussion of the mistakes that some white folks can make when dealing with people of color. There is also a young gay black male journalist with very few friends but a serious Afro. A pretty black girl with a desire for fame, a YouTube following and a video blog about her struggles with racial identity. And the privileged son of the university dean. These are good characters and some good performances for a student film… for a college film… for a film about a college.

Dear-White-People

Justin Simien’s directing style in Dear White People reminds me of a cross between Wes Anderson and Spike Lee. And I love this combination for obvious reasons. It has serious potential and I hope he keeps this style going ahead. I’m looking forward to seeing what he does next. Dear White People is a good movie because of the skills of its director and because of the likability of its attractive young cast, even while it is a difficult film because of the misguided nature and political views of all of its young characters.

Coco Dear White People

Dear White People is a difficult film to review for me because it is essentially one big argument about race relations. And while I have my views, I recognize that others have their views and that no view is the correct view (not even mine), while many, in my opinion, are the wrong view. When someone’s view orders other people to dress, to speak, to act, to do things their way, that’s what I consider wrong. Follow your philosophy. But as soon as it infringes on someone else’s freedom, there’s a problem. It’s a personal relationship with the divine and society. Stop worrying about what the next person is doing. Stop trying to be right in the eyes of other people and be right with yourself. See what I mean. I can’t review movies like this without getting up on my soapbox high-horse. (a high horse with a soapbox on top of it).

Sam White

I’m almost done. There are seven billions different views on race. Just like there are seven billion different views on sex and religion and there are seven billion different combinations of personal prejudice and passion. And I’m tired of stories that try to tell us there are only two. Another thing I like about Dear White People is that it doesn’t present the world as black and white (I mean contrast, not race). And because of this nuance it didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it might. In fact it was funny and fun. However, I’m still saying Dear White People is difficult to review and may be difficult to watch, because even while it is a comedy, the subject is volatile and polarizing. And if racial politics are upsetting to you or if you’re just tired of hearing about it, then I would suggest avoiding White People. But that would be sad because it’s actually an enjoyable, low-budget comedy. Pretty funny. Kind of sexy at times. And very well-made.

The Afro

But in the end, Dear White People says more about dumb college students of every race than it says specifically about black people, white people and race relations.

– Mel

End of Year Review: The Good The Bad The Ugly & The Movies from 2012 MEGAPOST

Goodbye 2012. I am happy to see it go.

Goodbye to the fiscal cliff. Goodbye to the most negative presidential election I have ever seen in my life.

Goodbye to end of the world prophecies. Goodbye to the bloodiest year for domestic gun violence since the civil war.

Goodbye to the shittiest year of the 21st century so far.

Goodbye.

Let’s get to it…

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and The Movies of 2012.

THE GOOD of 2012:

Television got even better in 2012. People had less money in 2012. Stayed at home and watched TV more in 2012. So TV producers stepped up their games and brought the goods in 2012. Television was awesome in 2012

Best Television Moments in 2012

In 2012 some of my favorite shows had their best seasons. Here are ten of my favorite things.

Doctor Who: The Snowmen Christmas Special

Doctor Who: The Snowmen

The episode was very good. I love the new companion. She’s as pretty as Rose Tyler, as brilliant as Martha Jones. She’s as fearless as Amy Pond, as cute & funny as Donna Noble. But most of all she’s about as mysterious as River Song. The one word lie detector test scene was amazing.

The Doctor Who Gang

I can’t wait until April. I WANT MORE DOCTOR WHO NOW.

The Walking Dead’s Michonne

Michonne from The Walking Dead

She really made this season of the show for me. She is a badass. A badass, dread-locked, lesbian w/ a samurai sword. Where do I sign? I loved this season. Best one so far.

Rachel Maddow’s Last Show Before Election Day & Her First Show After The Election

Rachel Maddow

I would put both of these shows in the time capsule. Pure Perfection. Rachel really worked overtime this election season. Before he leaves office, President Obama really should reward her in some way. (Exclusive Interview, Medal of Honor, Blanket Pardon for Future Crimes… something nice)

Fringe: The Final Season

Fringe Final Season

The show is fantastic. Still one of the best shows in TV history. Some of their best performances are from this season. And some of their best writing.

Game of Thrones: The Battle of Blackwater

Game of Thrones Blackwater

The episode was one of the best hours of TV in 2012.

Game of Thrones Tyrion

“Those are brave men knocking on our door… Let’s go kill them.”

Peter Dinklage was robbed at the Emmy’s. I can’t wait until March.

Elementary & Vegas

Elementary & Vegas

These are two entertaining & well-written new mystery shows on CBS. With all-star casts. And neither is your run-of-the-mill procedural. Both are great shows renewed for second seasons. Watch them.

Girls:  Welcome to Bushwick a.k.a. The Crackcident

Girls HBO

The Bushwick Episode was the best episode of the season of a thoroughly enjoyable and immensely entertaining show. Lena Dunham did great work last year. I hope the second season is as good as the first.

Breaking Bad’s Evolution of Walter White

Breaking Bad Walter White

This show gets better and better every year. It was already good. It’s criminally good now. (“Say My Name” “Heisenberg.” “You damn right.”) I’m looking forward to an intense finale.

Best Performer in 2012

Anne Hathaway

2012 was most definitely her year. Anne Hathaway has been good for a while but finally everyone else is beginning to recognize her talent.

"You Look Hungry Anne. Could I Tempt You With A Bite?"

“You Look Hungry Anne. Could I Tempt You With A Bite?”

She is incredibly good in Les Miserables. Made me weep my eyes out. I was soaked. Great voice. Great acting. She dropped the weight for the necessary realism. And then proceeded to blow the roof off of every theater in the country.

And the Oscar goes to…

"Don't Play. You Know I Could Eat You Up Little Girl."

“Don’t Play. You Know I Could Eat You Up Little Girl.”

And earlier in the year she kicked ass as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. She took an iconic character that has been played to death by Oscar winners and icons in movies and television for decades and she made it her own. Anne Hathaway was my favorite thing in an excellent film (one of my top films of the year…wink).

"Keep Laughing Amanda. I May Not Be Able To Outsing You But I Will Swallow You Whole."

“Watch It, Hathaway. You Know You Can’t Hit Those High Notes Like Me.”
“Keep Laughing Amanda. I May Not Be Able To Out-sing You But I Will Swallow You Whole.”

Anne Hathaway has officially become my favorite actress. She is insanely talented, funny, has a fantastic voice and is gorgeous. The girl is smokin’ hot.

"Okay, I'm Going To Eat You Know."

“Ha Ha. You Wish.”
“Okay, I’m Going To Eat You Know.”

And even when she hosted SNL (a show that has seen better days but looks to be getting back to form) it was their best show of the year.

"All Gone."

“All Gone… Thank You. Thank You.”

And now to bummer town…

THE BAD of 2012

or more accurately

The problems we need to address in 2013

First and foremost…

Movie Ticket Prices

Yep That Looks About Right

Yep That Looks About Right

Come on man, $23.00 for IMAX? And even more for IMAX 3D.  That’s crazy pants. Although I did like the reserved seating for The Hobbit. No line, already knowing where your seats are. (I got cheated out of the Star Trek sneak peek that they promised, however. Still angry about that one)

But guys, seriously, the movie going experience is no longer better than viewing at home. It just isn’t. You have to either make it more special. Maybe a restaurant & movie situation or beer & wine at the movies. Perhaps optional headphones. I don’t know. But it ain’t worth the money as it is, except for maybe when there’s a major event movie coming out, where seeing it the first weekend is important.

Other than that I’ll be waiting for the DVD.

Terrorism

It's A Madhouse! A Madhouse!

It’s A Madhouse! A Madhouse!

It’s the escalation of the mass shootings that troubles me & how the pattern seems to suggest that they are designed in a way to make us feel unsafe in the places that have been our safe havens.

Of course that suggests that there is an intelligence behind them. Not just wacko after wacko trying to outdo, out-evil, out horrify, and one-up the last, instantly famous mass murderer that came before them before they off themselves.

(By the way, fellas, skip right to the last shooting, the one where you shoot yourself. That way you die a hero. You die having killed a probable & future mass murderer. “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” – Half of a great man said that)

But these trends do not have to have intelligence behind them. The next killer, having seen the way the news vilifies but also enshrines and bathes in the spotlight the previous super villain (these guys think they’re in a comic book or something), then comes up with a new, more heinous way to make us all cringe.

The depths of darkness that someone can dive to when they believe that they are dark to their very core is only limited by imagination.

Universal Mental Health Care (and Health Care in general, for that matter) can do so much to reduce this escalating trend. You need to find these troubled souls when they are too small to make these plans, to hold a gun, to do these things. For our safety, for their family & friends and for the victims.

Race

There Is No Such Thing As Mixed Race To A Racist

There Is No Such Thing As Mixed Race To A Racist

Not just racism, mind you, but race. Because there is no racism without the misguided idea of race.

So why can’t different humans from different regions and different backgrounds just look different: Skin, Hair, Eyes, Height, Weight. Be different: Sex, Personality, Creativity, Intellect, Language. And/Or believe different: Politics, Spirituality, Religion. Be Human without then having to form groups and perpetuate the illusion of a competition.

That’s what sports are for. (And frankly I’d rather be in a soccer riot than a race riot any day)

Fear

False Evidence Appearing Real

False Evidence Appearing Real

The misguided fear that believes if homosexuality is universally accepted that they will have no choice but to be gay. Because the only thing stopping them at this point, I suppose, is that people LIKE THEM would attack them. (or other equally stupid reasons to deny Marriage Equality)

And the annoying fear that seems to believe that by accepting a man’s role in human reproduction, as almost nil, somehow makes men more useless than they already are. Leading to this need to legislate reproduction so that they still feel important and involved. Aw, fellas. You feel left out? By how you’re acting, I’m guessing there’s a reason. Uterine envy is ugly business, gentlemen. Stop it. Stop it now.

And the idiotic fear of Science, fear of evolution or climate change FACTS. A fear so great that you deny the validity of scientific discovery, basic Biology & Physics & Math. Fear that somehow science wants to replace god. We are meant to understand… everything. Your willful ignorance would make any deity weep. If your god had wanted us to remain dumb he wouldn’t have made us so curious.

So those are the problems that I believe reached critical mass in 2012. And if we begin to address them, to solve them, we can save the world.

Fear, Race, Terrorism… & Movie Ticket Prices.

Get on that, planet.

And lastly…

THE MOVIES of 2012

There are 3 major films from 2012 that I haven’t seen yet they are Lincoln, Argo & Zero Dark Thirty but I don’t like to see political propaganda films until a few years after their release. And I know they are all amazing. I’m weird, okay?

To the list

My Top Ten Movies of 2012 (and links to where I blog about them)

1. Les Miserables – Anne Hathaway!! (you have to picture me singing that and not just saying it)

Les Miserables (pronounced lay-miz by theater geeks) is easily the best film of the year. It is the best movie musical of all-time. (Yes, better than West Side Story & The Wizard of Oz. Better than Chicago & The Sound of Music. It’s that good)

Les Miserables

It’s the story of Jean Valjean. Imprisoned for stealing a loaf of bread to feed a starving child & how that crime changes his life. It is the story of the police officer, Javert, haunted by his own past and his twisted sense of justice as he tracks down the fugitive. It is the story of Fantine, a woman pushed to her limits in order to keep her daughter safe and fed. It is the story of France in the early 19th century & the class struggles that followed the French Revolution. It is a love story. It is a story of redemption. But most of all, it is a story with some incredible music.

Les Miserables 2

What the filmmakers added to Victor Hugo’s story and Claude Michel-Schonberg’s beautiful music was an insanely talented cast: the aforementioned Anne Hathaway, the insanely versatile Hugh Jackman, the golden throat-ed Amanda Seyfried & the much hated Russell Crowe (He’s a lot better than he is given credit). They sing every line. There is no speaking. And they sing on camera. On set. Every take.

Les Miserables 3

I loved this film. It is perfect. Some complain about the sound stages and the look of the film but having the actors sing on set creates the need to shoot on a sound stage. There are musicians off camera, playing along with the scene, with the actors. You can’t get that realism on location. because you can’t get that sound on location. So I forgive the sets because the MUSIC is the whole movie.

Go See It or at least Rent It (I’m going to buy it)

2. Prometheus – Ridley Scott (Back where he belongs. Making kick ass Sci Fi Horror)

3. Dark Knight Rises – Christopher Nolan & Hathaway as Catwoman (Fantastic end to an amazing trilogy)

4. The Avengers – Joss!!! (Joss Whedon can do no wrong. Honestly)

5. The Hunger Games – Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss (I used to call Lucy, Catness but now I call her Kitty Katniss) This was a surprisingly good movie.

6. Skyfall – Casting Casting Casting (New M, New Q [all the letters are back and better than ever] and Javier Bardem is deliciously villainous)

Skyfall is a return to form for the Bond franchise. The reboot of the series, and the first two films (The first one about how he becomes a superspy, the second about how he deals with becoming a broken man) left out many of the iconic symbols James Bond fans have been used to seeing. This movie brings them all back with a vengeance.

Skyfall

James Bond is back in the saddle. But this time he’s joined by Q branch, M and Miss Moneypenny and the Ashton Martin & the Walther PPK also his favorite drink (shaken, not stirred)

Personally I didn’t like Skyfall as much as the first two Daniel Craig installments in the series (The amazing Casino Royale & the under-rated Quantum of Solace) but I was happy to see all the old favorites back.

Ralph Fiennes as M

However the absolute gem of Skyfall is the performance by Javier Bardem (Hollywood’s creepy bad guy) as the villainous Silva. He is creepy, evil, funny and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Skyfall Javier Bardem

I’m looking forward to, now that the franchise is back up to speed, seeing where Daniel Craig can go with the character. I believe he is the best James Bond since Sean Connery.

7. The Hobbit – I want to go to there. Where? New Zealand (The landscapes and scenery in this film have a starring role. It is gorgeous)

The first installment of The Hobbit Trilogy (I know it’s just one book but somebody should tell Peter Jackson) is a thrill ride. He brings us back to Middle Earth and introduces us to a new group of adventurers. This time: The Dwarves.

The Hobbit Dwarves 1

The party scene, where the Dwarves take over poor Bilbo’s home, to me, is the highlight of the movie. I like how the Dwarves all work as one well-oiled machine. It’s fun to watch.

The Hobbit Dwarves 2

Martin Freeman as the young  Bilbo is expert casting. He fits the role like a glove. He is not the hero (well not on purpose), he is just along for the ride.

Martin Freeman as Bilbo

It remains to be seen how good the last two films will be but this was a great way to start.

Gollum

And much like in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Gollum steals the movie from the moment he slithers on-screen. Not the best film of the year but in my top ten.

8. Looper – Joseph Gordon-Prosthetic Nose-Levitt (Fantastic film if a bit Timey Wimey)

9. Ted – Seth MacFarlane (Love him. So Funny… & Mila Kunis)

10. Snow White & The Huntsman – Rupert Sanders (For his first feature he did pretty damn good and I don’t mean sleeping with the lead actress)

And Now..

The Bottom Five Movies of 2012 or (how Hollywood spends millions to shit on audiences)

In reverse order

5. John Carter – Mindless Martian Crap

4. Battleship – Loud Abrasive Crap

3. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – Presidential Seal of Crap

2. The Amazing Spider-Man – Comic Book Killing Beautifully Dressed Up Crap

And the worst movie of 2012:

1. Men in Black 3 – A Big ol’ Steaming Pile of Crap

"Why You Be Hatin' On Men In Black 3?"

“Why You Be Hatin’ On Men In Black 3?”

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

And that, my friends, was my 2012. I did not like this year at all. A lot more bad than good if you ask me. From the election, starting with those hate-filled republican debates, really casting a dark shadow over the year. And the massacres at a movie theater, a temple, a college, an army base & a school along with rampant racism on the internet and talk radio & it was like everybody was in such a bad mood all year.

Breathe.

I’m here to tell you, (I’ve been to the future so listen to me)

2013 was… I mean… will be AWESOME.

Trust me, I’m a Doctor.

"No. I'm the Doctor"

“No. I’m the Doctor”

Doctor who?

Happy New Year Everybody

– Mel