10 Best Fights in Captain America: Civil War (SPOILERS)

This post is full of spoilers.

MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILERS!!!

Captain America Civil War

“Run away! He’s gonna spoil the movie for us.”

I saw Captain America: Civil War on Friday. Yes. Yes. It is an amazing movie. Just like Winter Soldier, it’s more than just a comic book movie. It’s political intrigue and espionage. Very well-written and directed. Though it can be said that the entire movie is just a set-up for one incredibly cool battle sequence. But that’s alright with me. There is an epic battle in an airport that’s worth the price of admission. So many good match-ups in that sequence alone. Amazing.

One more time…

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Team Iron Man

Team Iron Man

Civil War is almost as good as that first Avengers movie (almost) and it too has some amazing match-ups. Some of the best superhero on superhero fight scenes since the original. I loved it. I loved every minute of it.

Team Captain America

Team Captain America

Here is my top ten list of my favorite fights in Civil War. Some fights are shorter than others but all have something about the match-up that I thought was cool. Pay attention. There’ll be a test later. It represents half of your grade.

Captain America: Civil War (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

Captain-America-Civil-War-Divided-We-Fall-Poster

Directed by Anthony Russo & Joe Russo

Written by Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely  Based on Captain America by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby

Starring Chris EvansRobert Downey Jr.Scarlett JohanssonSebastian StanAnthony MackieDon CheadleJeremy RennerChadwick BosemanPaul BettanyElizabeth OlsenPaul RuddEmily VanCampTom HollandFrank GrilloWilliam Hurt & Daniel Brühl

Civil War

“What do we do, Cap?”

“We fight.”

Kevin Hart

To the list…

10. Captain America vs. Brock/Crossbones

Crossbones vs Captain America

This is one of the first fights in Civil War. It’s everyone’s favorite Hydra bad guy Brock and he’s back looking a little worse for wear. He has some technological enhancements and he gives Cap a good fight in the opening sequence. Before getting blowed up good.

9. Black Widow & Sharon Carter vs. Winter Soldier

Black Widow vs Bucky's Scrote

These two women kick serious ass but this fight is brutal. Bucky is in full Winter Soldier mode, killing people right and left. Sharon and Natasha try to take him down.

Sharon Carter vs The Winter Soldier

They try to. These girls are not in his weight class. But it is one of the better choreographed fights. I like that the first thing Natasha does is punch him in the nuts. And Sharon gets to show off her fighting skills in this movie.

8. Spiderman vs. The Falcon

This is one of the funnier fights. Spiderman is definitely the comic relief on the Iron Man side. We know Spidey. He will talk a bad guy’s ear off while kicking his ass. Spiderman kicks ass all over the place, talking shit the entire time. But in this battle Falcon finally tells him to shut the hell up.

7. Giant Man vs Team Iron Man

Giant-Man

Massive spoiler. Ant-man becomes Giant Man in that airport fight. It’s awesome. Changes the battle dynamic immensely and helps Cap and Bucky get away. This one was cool because Giant Man was one of the original avengers. Also if they do an Ant-man sequel, it will be interesting to know that he has this one in his back pocket. I also liked that Spiderman uses The Empire Strikes Back as a reference for how to beat him.

6. Black Panther vs. Captain America

Cap vs Panther

One of the coolest new characters is Black Panther. He brings the martial arts action and, in my opinion, kicks Captain America’s ass in a few small fights throughout the movie. I can’t wait to see what they do with the character in his own movie.

5. Ant-man vs Iron Man

Ant-Man

Ant-man shrinks down to a size small enough to get inside Iron Mans suit, Hawkeye fires him through the air and he starts pulling Iron Man apart from the inside. Only Tony’s new AI F.R.I.D.A.Y. saves him with the internal fire suppression system. Otherwise he was about to get undressed by the little guy.

4. Black Widow vs. Hawkeye (Broken up by Scarlet Witch)

This is a fun fight because they’re great friends and the entire time they’re chatting and it’s funny because they’re pulling their punches until Scarlet Witch just ends it for them because they weren’t really fighting. They were just sparring. Go fight other people.

3. Scarlet Witch vs. Vision

Scarlet Witch vs Vision

Speaking of Scarlet Witch we see again in this movie how she’s the strongest and in some ways the weakest Avenger. Wanda takes Vision down brutally. Also they hint at the future romance between them. It’s very cute. Making the way she brutally kicks his ass even more heart-breaking. She forces him first to his knees and then through the floor and through the ground and just buries him in a hole like a mile deep. The only way it could have been more crushing is if he were in the middle of telling her how much he loved her when she did it.

2. Spiderman vs. Captain America

Spiderman vs Captain America

Seriously Spiderman has some of the best fights. He takes on both Cap and Bucky and not only holds his own but kicks ass. I say “kick ass” a lot in this post because that’s basically all that happens in Civil War. A lot of kicking ass. I like that Iron Man sends Spidey to fight Cap. Not because they’re about equal strength but because Cap doesn’t know him and Captain America’s biggest strength is his tactical mind. So Tony sends a complete unknown after him and he kicks Cap’s ass… for a while.

1. Iron Man vs Captain America & Bucky

Final Battle

After all the cool fights, the best fight by far is the climactic battle with Iron Man fighting Captain America and Bucky. This is the coolest because Cap and Bucky are fighting together like they’ve known each other for decades. Oh that’s right they have. And neither one could take Iron Man alone. And for most of the movie the fights aren’t as brutal as they could be because everyone is a good guy and no one is trying to kill anybody…

Final Battle 2

Except for in the last fight where the gloves come off. And they are trying to beat the shit out of each other. This is the epic battle the movie builds to and it does not disappoint.

Captain-America-Civil-War

Some Random Thoughts:

Steve is so old school, he had to wait for Peggy Carter to die before making moves on her niece Sharon. That was considerate.

I have never liked the fact that Spiderman made his own suit. I’m more okay with him making his on web slingers. It’s much more believable that Stark Industries whipped a cool costume up for him. After the credits they show off some of the cool tech they included for the Spiderman movie. Can’t wait. Tom Holland is great as a young Spidey.

No one was more disappointed than I when Black Widow didn’t throw down with King T’challa’s gorgeous female body-guard. I would have paid extra for that one.

Bucky vs Iron Man or Bucky's Arm vs an Arc Reactor

The trailer leads us to believe that Bucky disables War Machine and that’s why Tony is going after him with deceptive editing. It’s Tony’s arc reactor that he tries to rip out (before Tony blows his fucking arm away) and it’s Vision who destroys War Machine’s reactor by accident because he’s worried about Wanda. I hate when trailers are creatively edited so that it changes the plot of the movie.

War Machine down

Tony was willing to use his arc reactor on Bucky but wasn’t willing to use it on Steve. In my opinion that’s the only reason he loses that final fight. He blasted Thor with it in the first movie. He hit Bucky with it and it disintegrated his arm. Had he used it on Cap when Cap was on top of him… fight over. Of course it may have killed him.

I thought Batman v. Superman was bad before but now that I can compare it to Civil War, it is pure crap. DC movies suck ass… honestly.

Captain America

“Language.”

So in conclusion, Captain America : Civil War is a great movie. With some great fights and a good story. I’m still #TeamIronMan though. Just sign the damn accords Cap. What the hell, man.

Now here comes the new quiz.

Talk to you guys later.

– Mel

Captain America Civil War Trailer (of Awesome)

Okay kids.

This thing right here.

This is a motherfreaking trailer.

This is how you do it.

Civil War, baby!!!

Perfect.

Just heart-pounding, crowd-pleasing, butts in the seats getting perfection.

I was excited before, but now they got me watching the clock. Time is not moving fast enough. Iron Man vs Captain America is gonna kick Batman v Superman’s ass.

And the ending… I can’t even talk about the ending. Except to say, “Underoos…”

Spider-Man

Can’t wait.

  • Mel

Captain America: Civil War Trailer

Aw yeah.

Honestly this whole thing hurts my heart. Captain America and Iron Man fighting is sad.

Can’t we all just get along.

But then again…

Fuck yeah!

The last fight in the trailer where Bucky and Cap hold their own against Iron Man is sick.

This trailer has everything. Scarlet Witch flying. Black Panther being all Black Panther-y. Falcon kicking ass. And lots of cool dialogue between Cap and Tony. But what it doesn’t have… Vision, Hulk, Ant-Man… Spiderman.

Captain America Civil War

I hope it’s better than Winter Soldier. I’m not saying Winter Soldier was bad. Winter Soldier was amazing. I’m just hoping this is better.

– Mel

Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: Ant-Man

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Ant-Man (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

Ant-ManPoster

Directed by Peyton Reed

Written by Edgar Wright & Joe Cornish  Based on Ant-Man by Stan LeeLarry Lieber & Jack Kirby

Starring Paul RuddEvangeline LillyCorey StollBobby CannavaleMichael PeñaTip “T.I.” HarrisWood HarrisJudy GreerDavid Dastmalchian & Michael Douglas

This is a good movie. Funny, exciting, very funny, lots of heart, lots of superhero action. I really enjoyed Ant-Man a lot. It plays more like a heart-strings pulling comedy than a superhero action film. But if you go into it knowing that you’re seeing a comedy-adventure and not an action-adventure, you won’t be disappointed. But I think it needed just a little more salt because it was a bit too bland for me. But still I liked it. I liked it a lot.

Verdict: SPARED

For every bad thing Mel says about the movie I'm gonna kick you ass.

“For every bad thing Mel says about Ant-Man, I’m gonna kick you ass.” “Wait… what?”

I had a few complaints (Sorry Paul). Actually I had a lot of complaints. Most of them had to deal with continuity. Stupid questions like “Why’s the kid on the bed now?” “How did they get in the tank?” “Why is he back in the bathroom?” Stupid stuff that most people won’t notice or care about. But I do. And some complaints about the movie’s physics. But honestly, it’s a movie about a guy who can shrink down to the size of an ant while maintaining his density but not his weight. You can forgive a few lapses in logic and physical continuity. A few things grow. A few things shrink. A few things happen because the plot demands them to happen. Don’t think too much about the science (or continuity) and you’ll have a good time. You’ll see gaping holes large enough to drive a TANK through (heh heh) but you’ll still have a good time. It’s a good movie.

Ant-Man-7

“Nice. Keep saying good things so she doesn’t kick my ass. I’ll be hiding in the suit.”

And I loved the cast. I absolutely loved Paul Rudd in this. He is the perfect Ant-Man. He was fantastic because he wasn’t too much Paul Rudd and yet he was the right amount of Paul Rudd. If you know what I mean.

YellowJacket

“I’ll kick your ass in the suit little man.” “Okay… I’m getting out of the suit.”

Also Michael Douglas is amazing as Hank Pym (the first Ant-Man) as is Ant-Man’s best friend and celly from prison, Michael Peña. Who plays the movie’s comic relief (and is very very funny). I’m just not the biggest fan of Evangeline Lilly. She can’t act.

Not the biggest fan?

“Not the biggest… FAN… of Evan-geline… LILLY? Thinks… I can’t… ACT.”

Hold on. I believe Evangeline Lilly is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Like top three. Like top five at least. Gorgeous. Stunning. Like stunningly beautiful. But her acting is not… quite… the best (NOT IN THE FACE). And her hair in this is horrible. Really bad. And I get why her hair is like that. You get it by the end. But it just looks bad on her. However, she doesn’t ruin it for me. She doesn’t ruin the movie. Truly the only acting bug I found, that annoyed me, was the guy with the bad Russian accent. I mean really. What is this Boris and Natasha shit? But of course, Ant-Man is not about the performances.

ant-man suit

“It’s about the suit, right? Am I right? The suit. I’m right, right? The suit? Tell me it’s the suit.”

Ant-man is about the spectacular special effects. The fight scenes where he shrinks and grows and jumps around punching guys and dodging bullets and flying through the air… Amazing. The fight scenes are the best thing about this movie. And it’s a superhero movie so that’s what you want. Also what you want from a superhero movie (these days) are cameos from other heroes and Ant-Man has some good ones from TV and other Marvel films. The best one they gave away in the new TV spot but I’m not going to give it away here. (stick around for the after credits scenes though. It gets even better)

Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lilly from Ant-Man

“He said it gets better after the credits.” “I know. I just like kicking your ass.”

So what do we got? The story is good. The acting is good. The special effects are good. the fight choreography is good. And there are some pretty cool cameos. So it should be a pretty spectacular movie. Right? It is NOT a spectacular movie. Because it is badly directed. This is the perfect example of everyone doing their job well (which granted is also a sign of good directing) but the movie lacking that certain something. (Jenna: “Qua?” Thank you Jenna [I didn’t even have to tell her to say it]) It’s just a little bland. Like a chef using all your favorite ingredients but forgetting to season. Music choices, editing, pacing? It’s hard to put your finger on it but Ant-Man is a good movie that’s a little bland.

“Dude. You’re gonna get me killed here.”

However, having said that, I really liked the movie and after a couple of months of bad movies in the theater and on home video, it’s good to at last see something decent and fun and funny. It’s very funny. And this is Peyton Reed’s first action movie. Let alone his first major blockbuster. So he is forgiven for not knowing how to keep the audience on the edge of their seats. And the fight scenes are awesome. Truly truly awesome.

Evangeline Lilly Ant-Man

“Yes. But what’s wrong with my hair? Let’s get back to that. So I can kick Paul’s ass some more.”

Ant-Man is a really good movie considering Evangeline Lilly’s bad hair (oof) and the director’s lack of experience with action movies (pow). It’s good. It’s good. It’s just not spectacular. And for Summer releases, you want spectacular.

– Mel

Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: Avengers- Age of Ultron

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

Avengers Age of Ultron Poster

Written & Directed by Joss Whedon  Based on The Avengers by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby

Starring Robert Downey, Jr.Chris HemsworthMark RuffaloChris EvansScarlett JohanssonJeremy RennerDon CheadleAaron Taylor-JohnsonElizabeth OlsenPaul BettanyCobie SmuldersAnthony MackieHayley AtwellIdris ElbaStellan SkarsgårdJames Spader & Samuel L. Jackson

What’s that sound I hear coming from the movie screen? It’s the sound of Joss Whedon trying to be funny and failing miserably. Avengers: Age of Ultron is ruined by three awesomely fantastic things. Three things I so hate to blame for this failure. But I must. I must. Those things are: The Marvel Cinematic Universe as a whole, The Guardians of the Galaxy movie and how much money it made & James Spader… well more accurately, James Spader’s mouth. I did not enjoy myself at the new Avengers movie… and this, my friends, is why my heart was broken.

Verdict: SPOILED

Avengers in Action

All the excitement of a Saturday morning cartoon.

SPOILER ALERT

Avengers: Age of Ultron is the opposite of the Avengers first movie. Where that movie was set up by the many solo movies of its heroes, this Avengers movie seems to exist only to set-up the next movies in each of those franchises. If the Marvel Cinematic Universe were a musical, Avengers: Age of Ultron would be a book number. Designed purely to advance the plot… not a showstopper. Whatever corporate shill who came up with the idea to make a movie that’s sole reason for existing is to set-up the plots for other movies needs to be fired.

Quicksilver and Scarlet-Witch

“We are, how you say, disposable and unnecessary, dah?”

Avengers: Age of Ultron is not Guardians of the Galaxy and Joss Whedon is not James Gunn. Nearly every intentionally funny line in Ultron is groan-inducing. The comedy is awful and not organic to the story but seemingly shoehorned in to make the movie “funny” you know like Guardians of the Galaxy (said some executive in some boardroom). That “funny” feeling I got in my stomach was me wanting to vomit every time another character pointed out that Captain America doesn’t like bad language. How is that funny? Avengers: Age of Ultron is not Guardians of the Galaxy and Joss Whedon is not James Gunn. Some one said, Let’s create a preposterously contrived romance between the green character and the pretty one you know like in Guardians of the Galaxy. Maybe it wasn’t because of the romance in Guardians. Maybe instead it was an homage to this very funny, very x-rated Avengers porn GIF with Hulk and Black Widow.

WARNING: Hardcore porn GIF featuring Hulk and Black Widow. Do not click if you do not want to see porn.

Hulk and Black Widow Hardcore Porn GIF

Captain America

“Captain America doesn’t appreciate your smut, junior. Wash your mouth out with soap.”

Question. Why are the robot’s lips moving? What the hell is that? Talk about your uncanny valley. Could that be any more creepy looking? Nope. I love James Spader. And I realize his disembodied voice on the soundtrack like so much Bane from Dark Knight Rises would have been disconcerting… I suppose, but the animated lips on the metal man were just the perfect amount of What The Fuck to take me right out of the film.

The Vision

“I’m here to help.”

So what DID I like? Vision. Vision was cool as shit. What didn’t I like? The Russian emo twins. And Elizabeth Olsen pulling the “heart” out of a robot and asking it what it felt like. No. No. A thousand times no. What did I like? The serious tone of the movie even while they tried to shove jokes into it later. What didn’t I like? Nearly every action sequence in the film, the use of slow-motion and every single time Cap and Thor did some cutesy maneuver with the shield and the hammer (after the first time they did one). What did I like? The Jeremy Renner side story that was an obvious attempt to make him the anti-American Sniper. What didn’t I like? The stupid cliché of Hawkeye going back for the kid and Quicksilver dying while trying to save them both after the two not liking each other and I expected more from Joss Whedon and the whole thing felt like corporate meddling and now I feel like they’re gonna screw up Star Wars and I’m sick to my stomach because I know Joss is better than what I just watched. Grrr Argh!

Ultron

“Stop looking at my mouth.”

So in conclusion, Avengers: Age of Ultron is a money grab designed to set-up future movies like as if the entire film was one of those after-credits scenes. It is rarely funny but too frequently tries to be. The fight scenes are overly cute and use slow-motion to hide the fact that it ain’t that exciting. The twins are way too moody. The plot and dialogue are way too cliché. The romance between Hulk and Black Widow is pointless and the robots mouth moves showing emotion like a cartoon character from a Disney movie… oh right… oops.

Hulkbuster Armor

Nice try on the Hulkbuster armor. Too bad that battle wasn’t the climax of a Hulk movie.

But we’ll always have Vision… Vision is bad-ass. My favorite part was when he looks over at Thor and has cape envy. Vision needs his own film. That’s one hot android.

“I do not have this cape envy of which you speak.”

The Vision is definitely bad-ass. And he almost saves the film… Almost.

– Mel

P.S. They showed the trailer for Ant-Man and it looks amazing. Ah-May-Zing