Social Encounter X

Hey.

Hey?

Hey. I’m talking to you.
Excuse me!!!
What now?
How is this new person going to hate me?
How is this encounter with a total stranger going to go wrong?
How will I be misunderstood and hated forever?
Hey.
It’s just a word. I can ignore it.
It is my right as an American to not respond.
I have the right to remain silent.
It says so in the Pledge of Allegiance.
Excuse me. I know you can hear me.
I don’t want to know what happens next
How this new person will dislike me.
Find me incredibly annoying.
It’s too painful.
Excuse me?
How is this going to end?
How will they misinterpret my silence as a rejection and resent me
Resent me until I can’t stand to look at myself.
HOW WILL THIS RANDOM PERSON HURT ME TODAY?
Hey.
How will this next encounter hurt me?
Will they make me fall in love with them and then disappoint me horribly?
Or will they fall for me too hard, too fast and make me fear them. Fear their “love”???

You ever have an ex… yes I’m talking to you… You ever have an ex who uses every pause in a conversation to tell you how much they “love” you? Not a current. An ex. Well I have.

(in the middle of telling a joke or a story) “…And then the dog took this big dump on the grass.” (stops talking to drink because, you know, your throat gets dry)

“I LOVE YOU…. (long awkward pause) You don’t have to say it back.”

“Yeah yeah but I’m sort of in the middle of telling a joke about dog poop right now.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. (another pause and then a quick) loveyou!”
Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!!!!!!
That’s not love. If you loved me I wouldn’t fear you, if you loved me.
That’s not love.
You wanna be with me.
You don’t want me to be with other people.
You want to fuck me.
I don’t know what that is
But
That’s not love.
Hey. I know for a fact that you can hear me.
Oh come on.
Now what.
Are they gonna flirt with me?
Make me feel attractive… wanted… sexy
Am I going to laugh?
Blush?

Or am I going to turn around and try to flirt with them
Only to find out that I’m standing on a scarf or something?
How is this human encounter going to ruin my self-esteem today?

How the hell will this random human interaction reshape my world view?
HOW WILL I OBSESS ABOUT THE MANY WAYS I WILL MIS-HANDLE THIS SOCIAL SITUATION UNTIL THE DAY I DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT AND… I DON’T KNOW… FOOD POISONING… RICKETS
Come on. I can tell you hear me. I know you can see me. What’s wrong with you?
Oh god. I have to say something. I have to say something. I have to say something. I have to say something.

(Turns head around and says sweetly) Yes?

(Long pause breathing harder and harder in anticipation and fear)

What. Whatdoyouwant? WHAT? WHAT? whaaat?

(Now crying) What?

(Pleading) whaaaaat.

(Wipes tears and straightens, composes self then turns head back around and says calmly) What is it?

 

No not you. I was trying to get THEIR attention.

– Mel

To All My Friends (Who’ve Wondered Where I’ve Been)

I know I haven’t been around much lately. Too much anger. Didn’t really want to get it on you. I have a tendency to spew hate when I’m angry. I hate it when the bad guys win… I’ve been experiencing a what-the-fuck few weeks. The American election was hacked and I’m surrounded on all sides by people waiting for their chance to say “I told you so.”

“I told you so.” Among the bodies of the dead.

“I told you so.” Brought to you by the makers of Pepsi and Xanax.

“I told you so.” Translated from the original Russian. (actually, little known fact, it was in German before it was in Russian)

I’ve reached a point in my life where more people are younger than me than older. I’m surrounded on all sides by the children of the damned. Social media misfits more concerned with likes and dislikes. Trolls without bridges. History books unopened. But mouths that will not stay shut.

chinese-farmer

I haven’t been around much lately because I know me. The thoughts racing through my head should not be shared with anyone. My doctor doesn’t want to know. My lawyer doesn’t want to know. The fake twitter accounts of Russian trolls, who successfully influence the tired liberals into hopelessness and fits of screaming, don’t want to know.

For one misguided instant I considered self-immolation as a form of protest. Nothing else, it seems, can penetrate the walls of the corporate pay-to-play media and so-called social media’s cavernous, echo-amplifying, bottomless pits of ego and frustration. Setting myself on fire in front of some monument to our fallen democracy seemed like a good idea at the time… for like, literally, a second. For like one scary second.

So I’ve been away.

And I apologize. I figure there’s like 25 or 30 people who read my blog. And I love you guys. And I’m going to post some good stuff. Life goes on no matter how dire. I know my friend Alex misses my movie reviews. New shows, some of the best stuff I’ve seen on TV, came and went. Anybody watch Atlanta? That was amazing. Donald Glover is knocking it out of the park on the daily. Speaking of which, my list of the best albums from this year includes more genres than you can shake your rump at. Who knew I’d like Trap Music. OMG I like Trap Music.

Music, Movies, TV, the third chapter of my novel… but politics, fucking politics, pissed me off to such an extent that I couldn’t write but scream. I couldn’t think but scream. I could not talk because all the screaming made me lose my voice.

So I went away. Started meditating again. Got back to temple. Working out. Stopped doing the few remaining vices I’d allowed myself over the past decade. Pizza, Beer, Porn, Masturbation. It’s about time I stopped living like a 13 year boy without adult supervision. I’m gonna be 50 next year. And the US president is going to be Donald J. Tr… I can’t even say it.

The pounds flew off since I stopped eating garbage. It’s amazing how much more money I have in my budget since I stopped drinking. And the energy. The sexual energy. The mental energy. The spiritual energy… it’s through the roof. And now being channeled into less selfish endeavors.

thats-great-maybe

Doing yoga everyday. Getting to the temple at least three times a week. Working on my compassion and my mindfulness and my body. I will require these things to make it through the next few weeks. Let alone the next few years of protests and civil (and uncivil) disobedience. Gotta build my stamina for all the marching and demonstrating. Because, as you know, Donald J. Tr… I still can’t say it.

I’ll never be able to say it.

What is the true nature of reality? We see things as we want them or don’t want them to be. Sometimes a fantasy. And sometimes as our worst fears realized. We label situations and phenomena as good or bad. As helpful or unhelpful. As progress and advancement or… as the… the nightmarish, back-sliding, hateful, racist hell-scape that I can’t seem to wake up from. Somebody please wake me up.

WAKE ME UP!!!

I meditate to find love for the seemingly unlovable. I meditate to find focus amidst the din of unchecked voices (un-fact-checked and un-verified). I meditate to find the me that can help and not just criticize. That can pull his weight and not just pull his dick. That can be a calm in the storm and not just more destruction and distraction.

Because it’s looking more and more like we’re going to have to violently overthrow the US government. And I don’t say that lightly. People are going to die. People are going to die because they’ve lost their healthcare and can’t afford their treatments. Because they’ve lost their government jobs as the agencies that protect us, from emotionless and compassion-less corporations, are shuttered one after another. People are going to die because they’ve lost their minds after too many deployments in some foreign distraction called another war. People are going to die.

thats-awful-maybe

And we can’t just sit around waiting for a miracle. Like that one time that one guy resigned from being pope because he realized he was too evil and stuff to be pope so he let the cool guy be pope. We can’t wait for that. We can’t wait for lightning to strike his ostentatiously disgusting jet plane as it floats on a cloud of ego or one of his fucking hotels to collapse under the weight of his hubris. We can’t wait for that. And we can’t sit around watching our neighbors die from treatable diseases or complications from dangerous pregnancies or malnutrition. Fucking malnutrition in the 21st century.

So yeah. We need to violently overthrow the US government… but with love. Out of compassion for our fellow human beings these people have to go… on both sides. I will not be governed by hate. And also I will not be governed by hate. So that really no one has to die for idiotic and preventable reasons.

We’ve been hacked. Our election. Our government. Hacked.

And respectfully, the only course of action, after you’ve been hacked, after they infiltrated your system, installed their malware, their trojans, their porn, the only course of action is to unplug the damn computer, and reinstall the operating system.

I went away.

But I’m back.

I’m going to see Rogue One tomorrow. So I’ll let you guys know how I like it. I’m going to post all my reviews and stuff over the holiday season. There’s a lot. You know I didn’t even realize it was the holidays. This is usually my least favorite time of year (except for the Doctor Who special). Because I’m alone and everything about this time is geared toward family and friends and stuff. But ever since I’ve rediscovered my faith, going to temple and Dharma classes and meditation, I don’t feel so alone.

I feel great actually. This is the best I’ve felt in a long time. The healthiest I’ve been mentally, spiritually and physically. The best.

And to think, I owe it all to the rigged, hacked, fraudulent and fucked up election of Donald J. Tr… you know what, I still can’t say it.

You guys thank him for me.

See ya tomorrow after Rogue One (unless I’m too hyped to post anything but OMG OMG OMG OMG then I’ll post on Saturday after Dharma class)

Now watch this 2 minute video.

– Mel

What’s Good? Fall TV Mega Post 2015

Okay guys. I’ve watched so much TV lately this is gonna be a big one. There is so much good TV now, I’m a little overwhelmed. TV is so good now and getting better all the time. Netflix, Amazon. I had to sample everything. All the comedies. All the dramas. Well not everything but everything that looked like it was aimed at my demographic. You know… the cool people like you and me… and maybe this guy.

limitless meditation

you are a blogger “I am a blogger.” you will complete what you start “I am a blogger.”

I got seriously overwhelmed and stopped working on this post because the list just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. A while back I did a TV Mega Post in ten parts with more than 100 shows. I could seriously do another series and it would look completely different after just two years. So I just gave up for a while and let the bad guys win.

The-Man-in-The-High-Castle

Not those bad guys. I’m talking about laziness, frustration and doubt. Not Nazis.

But I’m back now. So a few times on the list I mention seasons and episode numbers but that was back when I started this list. I made some cursory updates but even that was overwhelming. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH GOOD NEW TELEVISION.

Luke Cage and Jessica Jones

“Cheer up, Luke. I think he’s talking about us.” “You wanna have sex?” “Again?”

And then of course there were all of my returning favorites, my court case and my Mets, not only making the playoffs but going all the way to the World Series. Woo hoo.

LET’S GO METS!!! (oh yeah, they lost long before I posted this)

Supergirl-pilot

“So you won’t be needing a cheerleader then. How embarrassing… Back to fighting crime.”

But first…

Before we get this epic party started, my girl, Nicki Minaj has a question for Miley Cyrus.

Go ‘head Nicki.

Miley What's Good

“What’s good?”

No fighting on my blog, ladies. At least not before we’ve poured the jello into the kiddie pool and listed all the great new shows. But if you were to ask me what’s good, Nicki. Now that I’ve finally compiled this list of new shows, I could tell you.

So go ahead.

Ask me.

No really. Ask me…

WHAT’S GOOD?

I’m glad you asked.

New Fall Shows are very very good. And there are so many of them.

THE INCREDIBLE NEW FALL SHOWS

There are a lot of new shows that have quickly become must see TV. It’s difficult to list them all. But I gave it a try. Starting with the enjoyable…

Limitless

Limitless (CBS) Limitless is a very funny show. I watched the movie to prepare for the series but you really don’t have to. Bradley Cooper has a cameo and the main character is sort of doing a Bradley Cooper impression but he’s extremely likable and funny. I also like that the pills don’t give him super powers but just better memory and concentration and yet I still think Sherlock Holmes would beat him in a mental powers of deduction battle.

Life in Pieces

Life in Pieces (CBS) This is a new turn on the sitcom. It’s more like a family sketch comedy with four short stories each episode from four families within the same extended family. Don’t look for the stories to connect much. They rarely do. There is more connection between episodes than within one. The cast is superb and the characters are fleshed out and three-dimensional. You know these people well within the first half hour. The acting and the writing of the sketches make this one of my favorite new shows.

Quantico

Quantico (ABC) I have to admit that part of my enjoyment of this show is how hot the cast is. It sports a collection of very hot FBI trainees. (The FBI wishes it were this hot) But the story is interesting and the characters, although cliché at times, are designed to throw us off the scent of who is the real villain, as our lovely hero searches for the traitor who blew up Grand Central Terminal. The traitor from her graduating class at Quantico.

quantico-abc

It’s a flashback show where we jump back and forth from her time as a trainee and her life on the run, after being framed for the bombing. But really it’s just eye candy. They’re all so pretty. The main girl is gorgeous. Even their instructors are hot. Also they make good music choices on the show. But my favorite is all the jumping in and out of bed with each other. Quantico could have easily been called Young FBI Agents in Love.

Minority Report-FOX

Minority Report (FOX) I’m still enjoying this show. (It just ended) I liked the leaked pilot a lot. But the official pilot changed the ending completely and included more interaction between the other two pre-cogs (Good changes). Sometimes Meagan Good’s body is a little distracting because she’s just pow pow pow (damn) and every time Wilmer Valderama is on-screen I have to question myself because he’s actually pretty good in this and that’s confusing. But I like Minority Report because I like the world and the original story (by Philip K Dick. More from him later) and the original movie is one of my favorite films. And I hope FOX gives it a fair chance. I’d love to see a season two. (Probably won’t)

The Muppets

The Muppets (ABC) The Muppets is good. The Muppets would be a good show if it starred live actors. But these are puppets. Puppets we know. Puppets we love. Puppets with attitude. I love this show because it isn’t silly. It could have so easily been silly. It plays real with authentic emotions and relationships and I fucking love it. The whole thing with Kermit and Piggy being exes is sensational. And I get why it makes people uncomfortable. Muppets in adult situations. But I love this show.

Muppets with Cell Phones

I was not the biggest fan of the original Muppet Show (but I remember it, I watched it) This is something else entirely. Truly I can’t explain how genius this show is. I even teared up during an episode. I care about these characters. And not because I know them from the movies or Sesame Street but because of the show’s emotional honesty and realism. They’re not just puppets they’re *sniff* they’re family.

The-Grinder

The Grinder (FOX) Jake Kasdan is making good TV. He knocked New Girl out of the park and now he has another hit on his hands. Grinder is sensational. First and foremost the cast is amazing. Rob Lowe plays an actor who is famous for playing a lawyer on TV, the wonder years guy plays his brother; an actual lawyer, the waitress from It’s Always Sunny is the lawyer’s wife, The best friend from Eastbound and Down is his partner. What a great collection of TV actors (Of course I don’t know any of their names). The writing is good. It’s a family workplace hybrid. Very very funny. But it’s the cast that does it for me. Just perfect casting. Jake Kasdan does it again.

The Last Kingdom (BBCA) This is a decent show. Reminds me a lot of Vikings from The History Channel. Except that this one’s in England before it was one thing. A lot of great violence and drama. The Last Kingdom season one was fantastic. And now I can’t stop yelling “Arse-ling!” at everybody.

Jessica Jones

Jessica Jones (Netflix) Probably one of the best things you’ll see this year. Netflix’s new Marvel hero for hire is bloody fucking awesome. I knew I would like it. I just didn’t know how much. Here is a show that was made for me. With one of the most frightening villains on TV. David Tennant and Krysten Ritter do amazing jobs. I’ve watched the entire series twice and plan to watch it again. Fantastic in every way. Jessica Jones is a superhero show for adults. Even more than Daredevil. It certainly gets sexier than Daredevil.

Jessica Getting Busy

And much more brutal than Daredevil. And scary as fuck. I love Daredevil, don’t get me wrong. But after watching both series twice, I’m thinking Jessica Jones is a little better. (Jessica is definitely better the second time around because I spent the entire first viewing in sheer terror. It is some scary shit, people).

Jessica Jones and Kilgrave

I can’t wait for Power Man and Iron Fist. And I don’t expect any crossover episodes on any of the Netflix Marvel shows because Netflix is planning a separate crossover series called The Defenders. Which just going by how well it’s going so far, is going to be freaking fantastic. Netflix is re-writing the rules and doing a really great job.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (CW) One of my favorite new musical comedy shows. I am slowly falling in love with the crazy ex-girlfriend. She is amazingly wacky and relate able. Like a cross between Lucille Ball and Lilith from Frazier with a lot of musical theater thrown in. And the songs are outstanding. They are so funny.

Crazy ExGirlfriend

My favorite joke on the show has a rap star finding out what women go through everyday and saying to himself, “I gotta apologize to some bitches.” And it’s just a throwaway line but it’s so fucking funny. I love this show.

Scream Queens

Scream Queens (FOX) Emma Roberts is sensational in Scream Queens. The show is very funny. Extremely silly. It’s like that Agatha Christie comedy Murder By Death except updated for the 21st century. I love that somebody dies in every episode and the fact that it seems unsustainable because there’s hardly anyone left anymore. I wonder, if there is a season two, if they’ll pull an American Horror Story (same guys) and bring back the same actors in a different location, playing different parts. I hope so. The cast is the best part. And the writing. Cast and writing. The dialogue has me on the floor every episode.

Supergirl

Supergirl (CBS) Fantastic superhero drama. Just as good if not better than The Flash and Arrow. Love the cast. Love the emotional themes of each episode. Loving the superhero learning curve and the way that everyone in her life knows her secret. There’s no, barely believable and convenient, thing where her best friends don’t recognize her without glasses on. I mean there’s still a little of that but at least it’s not the people closes to her. Just her boss who never really looks at her anyway. A very good show.

Speaking of really good shows…

The Man in the High Castle

The Man in the High Castle (Amazon Prime) This fucking show is gonna win sooooo many Emmys. I’m not kidding. Just for costume and production design alone. But also for writing and acting and directing. High Castle is truly an epic TV show. Based on the story by Philip K Dick, The Man in the High Castle is the tale of a world where the Nazis and the Japanese won the second world war…

Aikido Class

…or did they? Maybe it just looks that way. Maybe some other kinds of shenanigans are going on. What a fantastic concept. And what a great execution of a fantastic concept. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. This is some serious drama (with hints of science fiction… little hints). Watch this fucking show. That is an order.

The Man in the High Castle US Map

And now to the old favorites that are still going strong.

THE STRONG RETURNING SHOWS

Homeland

Homeland (SHO) I still love the show. Mostly because Clare Danes is still amazeballs as Carey Matheson, CIA agent extraordinaire. Though when I learned about the graffiti artists writing anti-Homeland graffiti in Arabic on the walls in the background of scenes and the show not having anyone on staff that could read it. I have to agree with the artists. Homeland is racist. If just for the fact that it’s set in and has characters speaking the language but had no one on staff that could tell them that the words on the walls were insulting the show to the Arabic speaking world. Sorry. That alone means you’re racist. Either no one on staff told you or no one on staff could read it. Both are bad.

Homeland Poster

Homeland is still a great show though. Does that make me a horrible hypocrite?

Gotham-season-2

Gotham (FOX) This show gets a lot of shit for being crazy and whacky but it’s just trying to be all things to all Batman fans at once. 60’s Batman (TV show). 80’s Batman (Burton, Schumaker), ’00s Christopher Nolan Batman. And the millions of comics and cartoons. It is the prequel to all the Batmans. All of them at once.

Gotham Season Two

And I love the look of it so much. The 50s clothing. The 70s cars. The 90s tech. I love the cast. I love this show like crazy even as it gets crazier and crazier. It is the prequel to all the Batmans. All of them. ALL of them.

Prequel All The Batmans Meme

Prequel All The Batmans!!!

Green Arrow

Arrow (CW) Loving this season though it might just be that I didn’t like the last season very much. However, I am aware that all they’ve done so far this season is setting up the new Legends of Tomorrow series. It’s still good though. And Felicity and Oliver together is pretty cool. They’re handling the relationship beautifully.

The Walking Dead (AMC) Yes you can tell that the show has a different person in charge and I, for one, think this is the best the show has ever been after just three episode. Three amazing episodes. (ah five weeks ago. How my views have changed) TWD had a flat Fall finale. But I remember how excited I was at the beginning of the season. It just didn’t maintain that level and I was disappointed. (What a difference five weeks make) Hope they get that magic back in the second half of the season. I was so disappointed.

The Leftovers

The Leftovers (HBO) Wow what a nice shift. This show is awesome now. It was okay last season but now it’s one of the best things on TV. I’m blown away after four episodes. Each one completely different than the next. Just wow. (Ah five weeks ago…

the-leftovers-season-2-texas

but since then it has only gotten better) Maybe the best thing on TV right now. Still good. Still very good. Still fucking good. Still fantastic actually.

iZombie cast

iZombie (CW) Also still good and fun and nerdy and my girl is doing great work with all the new personalities each week. My favorite line of the series was earlier this season when Liv is trying to explain her former roommate to her current roommate and she says “A long time ago we used to be friends.” I actually squealed in delight. It was embarrassing. The show is still fun and funny and cool. iZombie is cool as all hell. I love it.

Empire (FOX) It occurred to me that after five or six seasons they won’t have to write any more new songs and they can just have the characters play the hits for the remaining seasons. The music is great. The music is the best part. Timbaland is doing work.

Agents of SHIELD

Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (ABC) The best I’ve seen this show so far. I knew all we had to do was to trust Joss and company and it would get better and better. The characters are all fully formed and I care about them and the stories are interesting. SHIELD is a great television show. Maybe one of the best.

Previously on Fitz and Simmons

But the Fitz and Simmons love story is heartbreaking. (We shipped them. They heard us. And now they are crushing our hearts) This is good stuff people. If you gave up on the series you’re missing out. It’s gotten seriously good.

Fitz Simmons Feeeeeels

Oh dear god, the feeeeeels.

Fitzsimmonsgif

Reign (CW) Reign is just as sexy as ever and with a few new hotties in the mix. The costumes are still gorgeous and I still love it. Reign is still a good show.

Speaking of good shows.

Star Wars Rebels

Star Wars: Rebels (Disney) Another great season of Star Wars Rebels. I love this show and I love that it’s canon. It fills the space between the prequels and the original series. The Clones Wars series covered from Attack of the Clones through Revenge of the Sith. This one picks up a few years after that with many of the same characters. It’s good.

The Blacklist (NBC) The Blacklist gets better every episode and it’s as good now as it has ever been. James Spader is awesome. That is all.

once-upon-a-time-season-5

Once Upon a Time (ABC) I’ve always loved this show and the way it reinvents fairy tales and Disney princesses and movies. But most of all, I love the way it reinvents itself. There are two themes per season, one in the first half and one in the second. The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, Frozen, Robin Hood, Brave. They put our heroes and those well-known characters through their paces and explore them and dissect them and flip them on their heads. But this season has been my favorite. Dark Swan in Camelot is the best.

American Horror Story Lady Gaga

American Horror Story: Hotel (FX) In my opinion this is the best season of American Horror Story so far. I thought I’d miss Jessica Lange but Lady Gaga has more than made up for her absence. I’m loving the music choices as well (Bela Lugosi’s Dead). And Mare Winningham is sensational. She makes me laugh so hard with that voice she uses. It’s so fucking funny. (“Sheed do anything forah dollah.”) This season is a nice change from Freak Show. I didn’t like Freak Show very much. Hotel is so sexy and so bloody and so funny. But you might as well just call it American Horror Story: Lady Gaga. The woman is riveting. Her screen presence is immense.

Fargo TV Poster

Fargo (FX) This season of Fargo is fast becoming my new favorite current show. Anthology series rock. This one is hysterical. And the performances are incredibly good. Kirsten Dunst is amazing. I smell an Emmy in her future.

kirsten-dunst-fargo

“Oh stop it, you.”

And Jeffrey Donovan and the whole cast, everyone is fantastic. I loved the first season of Fargo but the second season makes the first one look like public access cable.

Fargo

Extremely well done. The direction. The little Coen Brothers touches. How every song is from another Coens movie. Or the fantastic way that it feels like some of the scenes are lifted directly from their films.

Fargo Cabin Fever

I love love love Fargo. So much fun and so funny. But also very brutal and very violent. And very cool. Some of the coolest dialogue on TV.

Fargo-season-2-Waffle-Hut

Okay. There are even more shows. I just can’t list them all. So I’ve got to stop somewhere or this could go on forever. I need to move on.

The Knick (Cinemax), Nashville (ABC), Scandal (ABC) I need to move on.

Elementary (CBS)… Stop it!!!

Let’s move on.

To the real world…

Mets Winning

The Mets Win The Pennant!!! I was excited for my Mets but they weren’t ready for the big dance. They’re much too young. Too many rookies. First time in the playoffs. But I can still be happy that, in their first years, we made it all the way to the World Series.

Mets Celebrate

And with the pitching staff being as good as it is, my Mets will be in the race for years to come (at least five). But if you think about that World Series, (and I hate to think about that series) we were ahead in the ninth inning with at least one out in four of the five games. Our manager and our closer and then our hitters weren’t ready for the pressures of a late game comeback. Much like the Royals experienced last year.

The Mets Pitching Staff

We’ll be back next year. Mark my words. These pitchers are too good. It’s almost unfair.

My Court Case is Over My court case is over and I don’t have to pay the launder a dime. He lied in his deposition. Perjured himself for absolutely no reason. He had me dead to rights but he wanted more. He wanted revenge. He more than doubled his repair costs. I broke two window panels. He wanted me to buy him new doors. And he told the police he saw me do it personally. That he was an eye witness. When he didn’t. He wasn’t. He lied. He’s an idiot. He loses. I win. Game over.

And finally… What’s Good?

This song right here.

I love this song. I know it’s been out for a while but I’m really loving the Munster’s theme song sample. One of my favorite TV theme songs and they use it so well.

Fall Out Boy – Uma Thurman

“I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dream but they’re not quite what they seem.”

And now for everything there is a dark side…

WHAT’S NOT so GOOD?

…or some shit that sucked.

THE BAD NEW SHOWS

I don’t have time for these shows. I tried them out. They were bad. Especially Heroes Reborn. Heroes Reborn is the worst big budget broadcast drama in television history.

Rosewood (FOX) Rosewood is a boring procedural. If I don’t like the characters, I can’t get into the show. He’s a pathologist with an incurable disease and she’s a hard-nosed cop with anger and trust issues. Will they make it work? I don’t really care.

Moonbeam City

Moonbeam City (Comedy) Bad animation art (Duran Duran?) and a twisted sense of humor. Some people will like this. I did not. I couldn’t watch more than one episode.

Heroes-Reborn

Heroes Reborn (NBC) I could dissect this show for all the things wrong with it. Logic, Writing, Continuity, Oh my god the Acting is so bad. Story, Music, The Special Effects are awful. Everything about Heroes Reborn is bad. It is so annoyingly bad.

Okay. No more TV shows. I can’t talk about TV any more. So on the lighter side…

The Eiffel Tower

The Paris Attacks First of all Daesh can kiss the crack of my shiny metal ass. I’ve never been to Paris. Though many of my friends have and I dream about going (I probably won’t. Just being honest). My good thoughts and well wishes go out to the city and to the people and to anyone who is living less of a life because of these attacks. To anyone who’s more afraid because of it, and anyone who feels like they have to keep their compassion in check to keep from being hurt again, know I love you. I hope you can find a way through the pain and the fear and into the sun and into the joy and into the light again. Because that’s what hurts the terrorists the most. That’s what hurts ISIS or Al Quiada or Christian Radicals or Misogynist Assholes. More than bombs and guns and angry words and fiery speeches and sanctions and no-fly zones, It’s Love… and Life and Liberty and Laughter… and Light. Vive la France. Vive la Paris.

Christmas Tree for One

The Holiday Season (or The Christmas Tree for One) Long time readers of my blog may know that this is my least favorite time of year. I’m sorry to all the Christmas lovers out there. But being alone for the holidays is the worst. Not because you’re alone mind you, but because the season constantly reminds you that you’re alone. I don’t mind being alone. Truly I don’t. But this season relentlessly hammers against the skulls of the solitary that they are the only lonely people in the world. That something must be wrong with them to be alone at Christmas. It’s annoying. And it gets to the point where you have to convince others (and even yourself) that you’re okay with it. That you’re okay alone. I’m okay alone. But people don’t believe it. You can see it in their pitiful eyes and their pained smiles. And it’s because every ad, every show, every song, every post, every little reminder of Christmas cheer screams at every reveler and every little Christmas elf to pity the lonely, to pity them to the point where you start to pity yourself. Merry Christmas.

Oh shit… Don’t look now. There are more TV shows coming up.

TOO SOON TO TELL FALL SHOWS

These are the shows on my personal bubble.

Blindspot

Blindspot (NBC) I was ready to hate this show after a few episodes but I love Ashley Johnson so much and I love her character. And they came with a couple of Ashley-centric episodes and I was hooked. So I’m still watching. Waiting for more Ashley.

Blindspot Ashley Johnson

The tattoo premise is played-out. The fact that they solve a tattoo minutes before an attack is too convenient to happen so often. But I’m going to keep watching. There are two new shows that feature the former kick-ass stars of the great Cinemax show, Strike Back (Now done). They’re both on the bubble. There’s Blindspot and also…

The Player NBC

The Player (NBC) The Player is getting better with each episode. I’m a big Wesley Snipes fan and I’m glad he gets to kick much ass in this. There’s a techie here too. You may notice that I have a thing for the techie character in shows (especially when it’s a hot girl). Here we have a hot British computer genius and she keeps me coming back. Also the fight choreography is very good and there’s an interesting premise.

The Player - Season Pilot

Just like the tattoo thing from Blindspot, it’s a played-out premise as well; a secret society of wealthy international crime bosses. But here they enjoy betting on crimes and that’s pretty cool. Plus, like I said, the fight choreography is great. And Snipes is a badass.

THE SHOWS WE LOST (GONE TOO SOON)

Continuum-The-Final-Season

Dominion (Syfy) 2 seasons

Defiance (Syfy) 3 seasons

Continuum (Syfy) 4 seasons

Lost Girl (Syfy) 5 seasons

May they rest in peace in rerun heaven.

All of the good science fiction shows are dying early deaths because they never have a big enough audience to justify their special effects budgets. Continuum ended well. Very satisfying. It was good to the last moment. In the end Lost Girl was a shadow of its former self but at least my girl Kensi came back. And she came back strong.

Defiance Syfy

Defiance was good until the end and I’m going to miss those characters a lot. But Dominion was just too biblical for its own good. However, the cast was very hot. All four shows are gone but not forgotten. And at least we still have Dark Matter. We do still have Dark Matter don’t we? Don’t cancel Dark Matter.

But so as not to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. Here’s more Fall Out Boy. This song is from 2005. Didn’t know I was a Fall Out Boy fan did you. Well I am.

This here is one of my favorite songs of all time.

Fall Out Boy – Dance, Dance

“I’m two quarters of a heart down. And I don’t want to forget how your voice sounds. These words are all I have so I write them. So you need them just to get by.”

“This is the way they’d love if they knew how misery loved me.”

Coming Soon to What’s Good: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Agent Carter, 2016: AKA My Fucking Best Year Ever, The first chapter of my book online (coming soon I swear), a long snowy winter (fingers crossed), Doctor Who, Downton Abbey, Getting Back to My New York Museum Tour and The Expanse on Syfy.

Coming Soon to What’s Not so Good: A short brutally cold winter (because of global warming [more deadly than all the terrorists in the world combined]), Christmas, New Year’s and all the stuff that they bring. In particular, Heavy Drinking.

Told ya it was going to be a long one. (That’s what he said) Now here’s a little more Ashley for you guys. My girl is gorgeous.

Ashley Johnson

Until next time,

– Mel

Songs That Defines Me: Drug Life (An 11 Song Bio-Playlist)

What follows is about 45 minutes of music that serves as an audio autobiography. Up until now, my Songs That Define Me series has been very general but these represent certain times in my life. So it takes all eleven to make a complete picture. Not that they were recorded at those times but that they represent them. It is in essence the soundtrack to the musical of my life as it relates to drugs. I only post the audio versions with lyrics when I can find them. But if I can’t then I post the lyrics underneath.

So without any further ado. I give you…

DRUG LIFE (An 11 Song Bio-Playlist)

Three Seeds by Silversun Pickups
The movie opens on a boy with a chip on his shoulder. He’s angry at the world but doesn’t really know why. He’s brilliant, if I do say so myself, but he’s in constant pain and in constant fear and still he doesn’t know why. He never learned how to make friends or trust people after years of physical, mental and sexual abuse. And the only advice his mother gives him when sending him off to school is to pretend to be normal. (Yeah that didn’t work). He turns to alcohol. And it makes it possible for him to talk to other people and to make friends. This is the story of his three inner selves: His fearful self, His angry self, and his better self. This is Drug Life.

Remove the bullet from my head
Extracting over confidence
Hidden so easy to pretend
Too bad the rush was found again

I can see the pictures on the floor
Sketches of what was there before
Three came from one little seed
The last one is all I need

I can see the bottle on the ground
We turned the corner safe and sound
No thought of him as it was done
A clean execution
A clean execution

Cool like the ocean
Burned like a summer home
Fooled by the notion
That the sums don’t add up at all

There’s the line that is leading clearly feeding
All the things I don’t believe in
But I’ll step in once again
Cut in line to get closer to the
Source of all the things I’ll never belong to
Step it up and sign right in again

Cool like the ocean
Burned like a summer home
Fooled by the notion
That the sums don’t add up at all

Cool like the ocean
Burned like a summer home
Fooled by the notion
That the sums don’t add up at all
That the sums never add up at all
That the sums don’t add up at all…

Swimming Pools (Drank) by Kendrick Lamar

Our hero begins drinking in High School. He carries a little bottle of Jack Daniels around in his jacket pocket from the age of 15. In those days liquor stores didn’t card. They just looked you up and down. All you needed was strength of purpose. By that time he had been through some abuse and it showed on his face. They weren’t gonna deny him anything. Most people looked in his eyes, full of pain, worry and grief, and simply came to the obvious conclusion, “This man needs a drink.”

Washing of the Water by Peter Gabriel
But when High School ends he withdraws from the world. Riding around on the subway all night. Going to night-school in the afternoons. Working in the day as a messenger. Always drinking. drinking. drinking. Riding a river of fear to a sea of pain. His life becomes a river of darkness flowing into a sea of loneliness. A river of alcohol to a sea of… alcohol.

River, river, carry me on
Living river, carry me on
River, river, carry me on
To the place where I come from

So deep, so wide, will you take me on your back for a ride
If I should fall, would you swallow me deep inside
River, show me how to float, I feel like I’m sinking down
Thought that I could get along

But here in this water, my feet won’t touch the ground
I need something to turn myself around

Going away, away toward the sea
River deep, can you lift up and carry me
Oh roll on through the heartland
‘Til the sun has left the sky
River, river, carry me high

‘Til the washing of the water, make it all alright
Let your waters reach me, like she reached me tonight

Letting go, it’s so hard, the way it’s hurting now
To get this love untied
So tough to stay with this thing, because if I follow through
I face what I denied
I’ll get those hooks out of me
And I’ll take out the hooks that I sunk deep in your side
Kill that fear of emptiness, that loneliness I hide

River, oh river, river running deep
Bring me something that will let me get to sleep

In the washing of the water will you take it all away
Bring me something to take this pain away

Everything’s Just Wonderful by Lily Allen
Then he discovers cocaine. It solves so many of his problems. Depression, shyness, lack of energy. Cocaine. All of sudden he can talk to women. Walk into a job full of people. Cocaine. “He’s got so much energy. What a go-getter. Give that man a pay raise.” So our hero gets a job and a girlfriend and an apartment and he starts taking college courses. And it’s all thanks to cocaine. It was almost like Real Life.

Droogs by Anderson .Paak

The story takes a sexy turn here. Because for him, drugs and sex become closely related. The urge for sex is mixed with the desire for drugs. And so what follows is a string of destructive relationships and meaningless hook-ups and more drugs.

She don’t give a fuck
She don’t ever stress me
We don’t even talk
All we do is sex and leave
No there’s no love
She don’t even like me
But if we have drugs
She can be my wifey
When we have drugs

I got lost up in it, got lost up in it, got high for a minute
Said my lust for life and these lights are bright and I love these women
Said we bopping slow and we do the dance like we more than winning
Said she off the beat but she’s fine as fuck so I find the rhythm
No love is greater, in this whole world we made up
This love is made-up, it’s made-up
It’s made-up, it’s made-up, it’s made-up (say, aye)
I don’t know this bitch but I love this shit and we both are splendid
And she loud as fuck so I grab and touch and she don’t get offended
They goin call the law if we don’t get lost in Wynn parking lot
She don’t like me dog, she just like the drugs my nigga, don’t get it twisted

How many more can you give to me?
How many more can you give to me? I know you’re feelin me
Grinding and biting and kissing me
Who gives a fuck bout your history? nobody mentioned it
I coulda taken them all, I coulda taken them all, look at me dog
Look at me dead in the eyes, tell me you ain’t in love

She don’t give a fuck
She don’t ever stress me
We don’t even talk
All we do is sex and leave
No there’s no love
She don’t even like me
But if we have drugs
She can be my wifey
When we have drugs

You my one and only, my one and only, I’m on one homie
I don’t know your name I just love that ass, and I’ll pull that pony
Said I hate the club, but I make the club when I walk into it
Said you hate the drink, but you take the drink when I offer fluid
No love is greater, in this whole world we made up
This love is made-up, it’s made-up, it’s made-up, it’s made-up, it’s made-up

I can say right now that I’ll lay you down, I got lots of rubbers
I don’t give a fuck, you don’t give a fuck, we was made for each other
Your friend ain’t cute but my nigga’s a trooper, he’ll take the L
I’m high as fuck and you high as fuck so we parasailing

How many more can you give to me? How many more can you give to me?

I know you’re feelin me
Grinding and biting and kissing me, who gives a fuck bout your history,

Nobody mentioned it
I coulda taken them all, I coulda taken them all, look at me dog
Look at me dead in the eyes, tell me you ain’t in love

She don’t give a fuck
She don’t ever stress me
We don’t even talk
All we do is sex and leave
No there’s no love
She don’t even like me
But if we have drugs
She can be my wifey
When we have drugs

Hash Pipe by Weezer

Eventually this leads to a life of chaos. Moving to crystal meth and then crack. He does more and more. In and out of hospitals. In and out of rehab. Emotions flying off the hook. In and out of jail. Alienating everyone around him. Until finally he’s alone. Just him, his crack pipe and his self-destructive behavior. Paranoid, angry and alone, he’s pushed everyone else away. He settles in with crack as a substitute for human contact. His life is reduced to a constant struggle to get more crack. To do whatever to get more crack.

Please by U2

One night, while crawling around on his knees searching for something that wasn’t there, he breaks down. He realizes he’s hit the bottom. For him there was no lower he could go. Determined and alone, he begins the fight to try to get off drugs. In a montage of failed attempts. And valiant second and third attempts. We see him crying with every failure. Throwing out pipes only to buy new ones. Vowing to never use again then breaking his vow, sometimes in the very same day. At this point he only has himself to blame. And he only has himself for strength. Just he and the better self that he knows he can be. His life flashes before his eyes in a series of emotional motivational scenes. After months of trying, he finally gets clean.

Manhole by Ani DiFranco

He gets off the drugs and rebuilds his life. He remembers the hollow advice of his mother. So he pretends to be normal. He moves to a new city. He lies about his past. He lies to himself. He gets really good at lying. His past becomes something that happened to someone else. But not to him.

I’m holding here a book, notable, but not the greatest
Stolen for me by the latest in a long line of thieves
And I’m just about to drop it down that manhole of memories
When I realize it doesn’t bother me like love’s mementos usually do
And I look up to see who’s different here, the latest me or the latest you

‘Course, you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t lie, he just doctors everything
Chooses some unassuming finger and quietly moves his wedding ring
Who rewrites his autobiography for any pretty girl who’ll sing
But you can’t fool the queen, baby ‘cuz I married the king

And maybe it was I who betrayed his majesty
With no opposite reality, like a puddle with no reflection
Of the sky or the trees, but after my dreaded beheading
I tied that sucker back on with a string
And I guess I’m pretty different now, considering

I kissed you on the street that night on the far side of fourth
But I didn’t like the taste in my mouth or yours
And ignoring the persona you wore for my benefit
For once I had the balls to call it, just call it
But a lesson must be lived in order to be learned
And the clarity to see and stop this now that is what I’ve earned

And maybe it was I who betrayed his majesty
With no opposite reality, like a puddle with no reflection
Of the sky or the trees but after my dreaded beheading
I tied that sucker back on with a string
And I guess I’m pretty different now, considering

I’m holding here a book, notable, but not the greatest
Stolen for me by the latest in a long line of thieves
And I’m just about to drop it down that manhole of memories
When I realize it doesn’t bother me and heartache not so dire
‘Cuz I looked up to see integrity finally won over desire

Climbing Up The Walls by Radiohead

Sadly once he kicks the drugs all of his psychiatric problems resurface. He had forgotten why he started drinking in the first place. And after several run-ins with the police they eventually throw him in a psychiatric hospital. There’s not a lot of words in this section. It’s mostly just images of horror and isolation. And the voice of a sadistic orderly taunting him in his pharmaceutical haze, “You didn’t think it would be that easy now did you?”

I am the key to the lock in your house
That keeps your toys in the basement
And if you get too far inside
You’ll only see your reflection

It’s always best when the choir is out
I am the pick in the ice
Do not cry out or hit the alarm
You know we’re friends till we die

Either way you turn, I’ll be there
Open up your skull, I’ll be there
Climbing up the walls

It’s always best when the light is off
It’s always better on the outside
Fifteen blows to the back of your head
Fifteen blows to your mind

So lock the kids up safe tonight
Shut the eyes in the cupboard
I got the smell of a local man
Who’s got the loneliest feeling

And either way you turn, I’ll be there
Open up your skull, I’ll be there
Climbing up the walls

Dig by Incubus

While in the hospital he sees such horrors in the way the mentally ill are treated. And once he gets out, he vows to use his experiences to help others. And so the angry young man from the beginning let’s go of his anger. He leaves the hospital a new man. With a new lease on life. But with an absolute disdain for how the homeless and mentally ill are treated in his country. The sun is shining for the first time in his life without drugs. Fade out.

Roll Credits

Let Go by Frou Frou

End Credits Song. As the song plays, the credits roll and we see pictures of the man on whose life this movie is based. People in the theater who didn’t know it was based on a true story gain a new respect for the film. Others are amazed by how much more handsome the real guy is compared to the actor who plays him. There’s not a dry eye in the house. And once the credits are done all that’s left on screen is a dash and a name. Some in the audience smile knowingly before the house lights come up.

Thank you for listening.

– Mel

What’s Good? (Late Summer)

Hello again and welcome to this the fourth What’s Good? installment. A top ten list (without numbers) of things I’m enjoying or have enjoyed recently. In TV, Movies and life and junk. You get the picture. I wish I could do one of these every month but some months, I’m telling ya, ain’t much good. But that’s just my opinion. I don’t want to fight about it. My EmotionsIf you haven’t heard yet, I had a run-in with my local launder/dry cleaner dude and put my foot through two of the panels on his doors. He had me arrested and the whole thing has sent me into a depressive funk. I hadn’t had an incident in more than a decade and I was getting out more. Hitting the museums and stuff. I felt like I was improving. But he said something to me. I said something back and then he said something else and I did what I did. In the past I would’ve punched him. So maybe it should feel like progress. But police, court dates and the fact he’s right on the corner and I’m not allowed to walk that way anymore has sent me to self-pity city (population one). And it goes without saying that self-pity city is pretty shitty. (the reason it goes without saying is… well you try to say it)

StrangeloveAnyway, I don’t want to get you all down too. So I’m gonna talk about the good stuff

We got mostly TV this time around. And the Mets. The Mets are looking really good. And if all goes well I may even talk about Donald Trump. Everybody else in the world is.

To the list…

WHAT’S GOOD?

I’m glad you asked.

The Brink Poster

The Brink on HBO was really good. It was a half hour comedy about the U.S. and Pakistan almost starting world war three. I love Tim Robbins and this has Tim Robbins written all over it. His film Bob Roberts is one of my all time favorites.

Tim Robbins

The Brink stars Jack Black as a government official who gets caught up in an international incident. It’s zany and silly but the messages resonate in our modern society. The fragile state of international diplomacy in the digital world. Very funny and eerily possible. Except the real thing wouldn’t be as comical. Think Dr. Strangelove meets…well  Dr. Strangelove. The Brink is the modern-day Dr. Strangelove. And I loved every minute of it.

Strike Back: Legacy was pretty good. Strike Back is a show that airs on Cinemax in the US. In its fifth season it’s still exciting and they still don’t mind killing off any character at any time. One of the best things about the show is that the main characters get killed off all the time. Nobody is safe. Espionage and military action with the occasional sexiness thrown in for good measure. I mean, it is Cinemax.

Two men playing chess

Chess w/ Friends app is good because I live alone, so I usually play chess against the computer but I’m good, so I’ve burned a few CPU’s. You never realize how hard a good game of chess pushes a processor until you start smelling the smoke. So it’s good to play humans who don’t overheat. And I get beat on occasion which is good because as long as I play mistake free (huge caveat) I can beat or stalemate (usually stalemate) any chess program. But I’m no Carlsen Magnus. Plus I can’t play a speed game. That’s why I love this app. You’ve got six days to make your move before it forfeits for you. The one thing I don’t like about Chess w/ Friends, because I play 10 to 15 games at a time, is sometimes I get weaker opponents and it weakens my game then some novice beats me and gloats. I hate that. I usually beat them on the rematch then put ’em on ignore.

Netflix Originals are very good and get better with repeat viewings. Daredevil, Sense8, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Orange is the New Black are four of my favorite TV shows. I watched Sense8 again and it was better the second time. Then I re-watched Daredevil and it was better for the second time as well. Netflix is making some good TV.

Catastrophe

Amazon Prime (not anywhere near Netflix level) has a few good shows and a couple of promising ones coming soon. Catastrophe is very funny and original. The soft insults between the two lead characters are so funny. And I can’t wait for The Man in The High Castle and the return of Mozart in the Jungle and Transparent. Plus, you know, free shipping and music and movies and stuff. And it goes well with my Kindle Fire.

Yoenis Cespedes and Juan Lagares in Colorado

New York Mets Trade Deadline Moves and storming into first place is good. I said a couple of months ago that all we needed was a right-hander with some power and they went out and got Yeonis Cespedes (somebody reads my blog) and since they got him they have gone from the worst offense in the league to the best offense in the league. A really good power hitter in the middle of the line-up makes everybody around them better because they all see more fastballs. They also picked up Juan Uribe, Kelly Johnson and called up Michael Conforto; a young player with some pop. They were five games behind before the trades and now the Mets are in first place and have an eight game lead. And then… David Wright, the captain, came back. Woo Hoo!

Daily Show with Jon Stewart Finale was very good. By the end, the Daily Show was a shadow of its former self. But the last episode was a trip down correspondent memory lane with a touching tribute from Stephen Colbert, a great last rant from Jon, and Bruce Springsteen sent the show off with a couple of songs. It was a nice finish for one of my all-time favorite talk shows.

humans-amc

Humans on AMC was creepy good. Here is an intriguing and interesting show but it kind of got bogged down in the second half of the season. I liked it though, and hope it comes back for a second season. It reminds me of that zombie show that I eventually had to give up on except swap robots for zombies. In The Flesh. AMC is doing fine work. They have several of my favorite shows including my absolute favorite, the amazing Halt & Catch Fire and the promising Fear (The Walking Dead) which wasn’t amazing but could get there if it can distant itself from the main show while still keeping its audience.

mr-robot-banner

Mr. Robot stayed good the entire way through. I know I mentioned this in my Early Summer What’s Good? but it needs a re-mentioning. Mr. Robot is fantastic. I read a bad review that said the thing they didn’t like was that they thought it would be impossible for them to keep up this level. That was a bad review. If “I don’t think they can stay this good for very long” is the worst thing you can say about a show, it’s got to be good. Truly amazing. With more than a few episodes in the first season that make you want to watch again from the beginning to see what you missed. They delayed the finale because it was disturbingly similar to something that happened here at a news station (more gun violence what else). But judging just by that, it will probably be disturbingly amazing.

And since I’m mentioning shows I talked about last time.

Halle Berry Extant

I need to apologize to Extant on CBS (also on Amazon Prime). The reboot in the second season is really working for me now. The whole robots versus aliens thing is awesome. The show is sort of about the extinction of the human race but you don’t know from which way it’s coming. There are aliens and there are robots and neither group likes humans very much. Extant can be light and fluffy and sometimes it takes itself too seriously but it’s actually pretty good. I really like the direction they’ve taken the story.

This is where I usually put up a new song that has me playing it on repeat. I’m waiting for Chris Cornell’s new one (also Puscifer) in September but what I can’t stop listening to right now is this shit right here. But it just came out a couple of days ago.

Dr. Dre – Compton (A Soundtrack)

Compton A Soundtrack

There is so much good on this soundtrack. Anderson .Paak. I can’t even begin to… Anderson .Paak. Kendrick Lamar is all over it. Anderson .Paak As well as all the usual suspects. Snoop, Eminem, Cube. Anderson .Paak

But honestly, the album serves as Anderson .Paak’s coming out party. Anderson is a drummer from Cali that raps and sings and makes hella weird videos. I love the guy. This is something he did with Knxwledge that is nasty as all hell called Suede…

My boy is fittin’ ta blow up.

And now… for everything there is a dark side.

WHAT’S NOT so GOOD?

Or 5 things that really disappointed me.

Let’s get right into the suck…

harvey_birdman

My Day in Court… sucked. even though they let me go home. They made me wait all day to find out if I signed in for a community service job from 23 years ago. TWENTY THREE YEARS!! It made my stomach ache. I brought money with me thinking I would just pay my fine and get on with my life but they wanted to first find out how much the door panels cost before they figured out what my fine would be or if I had to do jail time. And after making me wait a month and a half in anxiety and paranoia, they tell me I have to wait another month and a half while they get their shit together and find out what the damage is. Meanwhile I’m going through all the scenarios by which I end up in prison and I lose my apartment and all of my stuff gets ransacked by whoever puts it in storage. And they’re making me come back for more humiliation. Because the ADA just has to point out that the argument was about my underwear while stifling a giggle. She’s quite literally a child.

Airing my Dirty Laundry

On a related note… After my run in with Mr. Huang, my local launder, I haven’t left the house at all and that sucks. I’m back to being afraid to interact with people and I feel like everybody in the neighborhood thinks I shit my pants. It wasn’t feces. It was blood. And the fact that I have to explain that to anyone causes me pain. (I know I just posted it here but at this point it’s part of the public record) It was black underwear and it was dried blood. And what really annoyed me is that he had to discuss it with the whole laundry.

“Your honor, there’s a reason ‘to air ones dirty laundry’ is synonymous with indiscretion. It is the very definition of indiscretion. Hasn’t he been humiliated enough? Your honor, I move that all charges be dropped and my client be allowed to leave the courtroom with what’s left of his dignity.” (thunderous applause)

This Man Is A Fool

Donald Trump as a legitimate candidate for president of the United States, surprisingly, doesn’t suck. This is what the Republican party has become. This is what the election of Barack Obama has done to them. 30 million Donald Trumps without a clue. And they can’t deny it. He shares all of their traits. Anger, Racism, a weak grasp of reality, an entitled attitude based on skin color alone, the lies and the Insults about the government, the rampant misogyny… the list goes on. But I’m enjoying this. Truly I am. It serves as a last chance for the few sane Republicans to abandon their party and their hateful ideology. When you see yourself bigger than life, this giant ugly version of yourself, it should serve as a wake-up call. The party of lies and hate has found their mascot. But what really sucks is how it makes us look to the world. We were just getting over the image George Bush created. Now we’re not just stupid, we’re angry racists as well.

Wet Hot American Netflix

Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp on Netflix was not so good. I think I just expected more. I’m not saying there wasn’t some funny moments but the entire thing played like a series of cameos. It was nice seeing Janeanne Garofalo on my screen again. (I had the biggest crush on her back in the day) but I wasn’t amused by this star-studded prequel to the cult classic about counselors at a summer camp. I wanted more. Even though the entire series taking place in one day is pretty fucking funny.

Hannibal

Hannibal finally returned to form after going way off course with its European excursion. But it’s too late to save the series. Not good Hannibal. You should have never ended last season with total carnage and then basically took it all back. Like saying, we apologize. No one died. I loved the second season. I just hated the way it ended and coming back like nothing happened made me hate it all the more.

Coming Soon to What’s Good:

Minority Report

New Fall Show Leaked Pilots are good. And these are the ones I liked: The best of them was Minority Report which looked cool but had a lot of effects and we all know those shows never last on the major networks. But I also liked Lucifer which looked good because of the title character being unbelievably awesome and sexy. And there was Supergirl which looked super cute and fun even though the pilot needed work. But what I’m also looking forward to is the return of my doctor. That’s right I called him MY doctor. Peter Capaldi is my favorite doctor on Doctor Who. And one day, if I ever get out of this funk, I will do a post about why Peter is my favorite doctor. It will be amazing.

Coming Soon to What’s NOT so Good:

Chance_go_to_jail

But seriously I wish I could get out of this Funk. In the old days I would just buy some Cocaine and that would do it (I wouldn’t even know who to ask… and I don’t want to know). Coffee just doesn’t work on it. It’s a coffee proof funk. Alcohol doesn’t make it go away, it just makes it darker and more creative. Which is fine temporarily, I guess. Hopefully the day after I find out my punishment I’ll be back to normal… for me. And my new court date isn’t helping. So if there’s no Jail Time, I’ll see you guys in September.

Speaking of funky… and so as not to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. I will leave you with this great song from my boy Anderson .Paak (the dot goes there). This song is about every relationship I ever had when I was on drugs. It’s called Drugs. Enjoy.

Nice. But the video is weird right?

Later Gators,

– Mel