I haven’t done one of these in a while. And I’m sorry.
BY THE WAY YOU CAN SKIP THESE NEXT FIVE PARAGRAPHS AND…
I think pointing out Bisexual TV characters is important because it is so easy for a writer to erase a character’s bisexuality by making them confused or insane or they’ve just been gay the whole time and in denial or in the closet or they’ve just been straight the whole time and undercover or whatever. The goddamn character is bisexual. Stop trying to take it back. It’s so annoying. Have some guts.
I lived in a sexually binary world. Gender was always one thing or the other to me. And I understand that people are allowed to define themselves in any way they choose. But before we get bogged down in what you would like yourself to be called, once upon a time there were two genders. Scientifically and naturally. Bisexuality was a sexual attraction to both. It encompassed everyone. Male and female meant everyone. I realize that’s not true anymore and in fact it never was true.
We realized that sexuality was a spectrum. And that gender was a spectrum. And there were more genders than stars in the sky. And Bisexuality became an archaic term before it was ever universally accepted (to my liking). I’ve called myself Bisexual for decades (all my life) and now it’s become a bone of contention in a community that always seemed to be trying to erase us, or deny us, to begin with. Because of a myriad of gender identities, Bisexuality is almost an insult or at least a misnomer. But the only truly accurate moniker for anyone’s sexuality is to put that person’s full name in front of the suffix “sexual” and just leave it at that.
Bisexuality means you can be attracted to the masculine and to the feminine and to all points in between. But really it’s about the gender being less important than the person. So yeah, Bi can mean two. And by definition it would seem to be stating that there are only two genders. And we know that’s not true. But by the same token, Hetero means different. And as long as you are attracted to someone whose gender identity is not the same as your own then you are technically Heterosexual. And we know that’s not always true. It’s not an accurate translation. Neither is Transsexual. It is the term that we use. It is not an insult or a reduction or an erasure. It is just the word that we use.
So here when I say a character is Bisexual, I mean at some point in the show they were dating, fucking or stating an attraction to a man, and to a woman at one point. It is as simple as that. And I know that it isn’t always as simple as that. But in a quest for individuality, we’ve made things less inclusive and maybe even less accepting. When I can look at a list of the hundreds of words used to define gender identity and sexual identity and check off forty or fifty of them that apply to me and not feel unique but just feel alone, there’s something wrong with this system. While what is more accurate is the less defined fact that I am attracted to people. I find male parts attractive. I find female parts attractive. But I find hearts and minds even more so. I belong to that group. That all-inclusive, hugely accepting group that thinks human beings are sexy. My generation called them Bisexual, called us Bisexual… And you know what? I still like the name.
…AND YOU CAN JUST START FROM RIGHT HERE
As always the rules are:
1. I have to like the show they’re on.
2. I have to find them attractive, sexy etc.
3. They have to be arguably Bisexual on the show.
And if you don’t know what I mean by Bisexual then you must have skipped the previous five paragraphs (I don’t blame you).
SPOILERS ALERT: There will be minor sexual spoilers throughout. Nothing big. But if I’m going to call the character bisexual then I have to explain the context by which I give them that label. It’s not always black and white.
To the list…
Darryl Whitefeather (The Boss) from Crazy Ex Girlfriend (CW)
Portrayed by Pete Gardner
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a musical comedy that is among my favorite new shows but the way they handled this character’s coming out story was damn near perfect. He kisses a boy and he likes it after being married to a woman for years and after his divorce. And he is confused for a couple of days then at a yoga class he is glancing back and forth from a man’s tight ass to a woman’s and he goes back and forth and back and forth until finally realizing. “Wait a minute… I’m Bisexual.”
The character is cute but the way they handle his self-discovery, and the way the character handles it, puts him on this list. It was just perfect. And of course there was a funny song to go with it.
Elijah Krantz (The Gay Best Friend) from Girls (HBO)
Portrayed by Andrew Rannells
Before people get up in arms, Elijah is a perfect example of a character who defines himself as gay but is also (somewhat) attracted to women. At one point he claims that he may not be 100% gay but a little Bisexual… and he’s cute, so he made the list.
And HBO’s Girls is still one of the funniest and cringe-worthy comedies on TV.
Eretria (The Thief) from The Shannara Chronicles (MTV)
Portrayed by Ivana Baquero
This little hottie is a human raised by a band of roving thieves. She is hot, sexy, cunning. She has relations with men, women, elves and half elves and did I mention that she’s hot?
The Shannara Chronicles has been renewed for a second season and I’m pleased. I like the show. I like the world. I like the cast. And I want them to live up to their potential.
I also want to see more of this Bisexual character putting moves on the Elven-folk.
Lucifer Morningstar (The Devil) from Lucifer (FOX)
Portrayed by Tom Ellis
Lucifer likes sex. He has sex with lots of women and… lots of men. He has orgies and three-ways and he’s very hot. He’s the best thing about the show Lucifer.
I guess he’s not really Bisexual. He’s just the devil and the devil likes to fuck but… He’s still very very hot. I really like this show.
White Canary – Sara Lance (The Assassin) from DC’s Legends of Tomorrow (CW)
Portrayed by Caity Lotz
I, absent-mindedly, left Ms. Lance off my previous list before her character was killed on Arrow but she’s back. (Ooh Spoiler Alert) She’s still hot and she still qualifies for the list.
She dated Oliver Queen and then she dated Talia Al Ghul (Ras Al Ghul’s daughter) on Arrow. She continues breaking hearts on Legends. Legends isn’t the best but some of the characters from Flash and from Arrow are still fun to watch. Especially Sara.
Amos Burton (The Engineer) from The Expanse (Syfy)
Portrayed by Wes Chatham
Amos Burton is one of the great characters from the sensational Syfy show The Expanse. We learn more and more about him as the season progresses and we learn a little about his sexuality. It is my belief that he’s a Bisexual character. The clues are there. Plus he’s hot. He’s very hot. I’ve never read the books but I’m pretty sure the character is Bi. I could be wrong. It could just be wishful thinking.
But I’m still very sure the character is hot.
Riley (The New Girl) from New Girl (FOX)
Portrayed by Megan Fox
This woman, who was barely on the show, is this high on the list because she is played by a Bisexual actor (which is always a plus) and it’s Megan Fox and she’s so cool and she’s smoking hot. But the character herself is awesome even if she was only around for a few episodes. She was a force of nature.
Riley represented a very positive portrayal of a Bisexual woman. And she was fun and funny. And I kind of miss her. She will be back I hear. But really they should give her a spin-off. FOX we want a New Girl spin-off starring Riley.
Don’t listen to her. Just make it happen.
Anne Bonny (The Pirate) from Black Sails (Starz)
Portrayed by Clara Paget
Black Sails is one of the best shows on television. The character of Anne Bonny is under-used but she’s a bad-ass and she’s gorgeous. Played by British model Clara Paget, she discovers her Bisexuality during the series and has a complicated relationship with her longtime male partner, Jack Rackham and her female love interest (I can’t think of her character’s name now but honestly she’s the worse thing about the show. Her acting and her accent are horrible).
Anne Bonny is a historical figure as well as Jack Rackham and their partner Mary Read. Anne was a pirate and she was a wife and she was a mom. And she was a bad-ass.
Her sexual exploits are not recorded. The writers of Black Sails have just spiced her story up a bit. But as a female pirate, I’m sure there were rumors.
Jamal Lyon (The Songwriter) from Empire (FOX)
Portrayed by Jussie Smollett
This is like spotting a rare species of flightless bird. The Bisexual Black Male Character. Even as the writers try their best to take it back. I bet they got letters.
The beautiful Jamal Lyon shines through their horrible attempts to erase his Bisexuality. The character is Bi and I wish they would let him just be Bi. Because he’s fucking gorgeous and he makes a wonderful addition to this list.
He’s a songwriter and a musician and his family doesn’t approves of his lifestyle. (someone’s been reading my e-mails) He’s a fantastic character. If only the writers would stop fucking with his sexual identity and have some guts. I’m looking at you, Danny.
Clarke Griffin (Wanheda) from The 100 (CW)
Portrayed by Eliza Taylor
Who didn’t see this one coming. Clarke is the most bad-ass character on a show full of bad-asses. A beautifully Bisexual character with no apologies and no explanations. She’s with a guy. She’s with a girl. She’s very passionate. She’s very cool. And she is forever doomed. I love the character and I love the show.
Recently she had another relationship… um disaster and the internet got all mad about it. But I’m like, how could you not know that was going to happen. My girl leaves destruction in her wake. Her body count is greater than anyone else’s on the show… by a lot.
Any relationship she gets into is doomed, man or woman. The name they gave her, Wanheda means Commander of the Dead. Deal with it internet.
Oh my god. The Feeeeeeeeeeeels !!!
And that’s my Sexy Bisexual TV Characters Top Ten list for 2016.
But wait. There’s more. Clarke Griffin might be number one on this year’s list but the true number one is an entire show. The Winner for Top Bisexual TV Character is..
The Magicians (The Magicians) from The Magicians (Syfy)
Portrayed by Jason Ralph, Stella Maeve, Olivia Taylor Dudley, Arjun Gupta, Hale Appleman & Summer Bishil
The Magicians is a very sexy show on the Syfy network about a secret school of magic. Not like Hogwarts. This one is for adults. Imagine if Hogwarts was a college.
In my opinion, The Magicians is a very Bi-sexy show. Not all the characters have come out as Bi but any one of them could. There are seven main characters and I ship them all. In every combination.
I love these guys so much. And they are all so very hot and sexually open because magic and sex are closely related on the show. So if this were a list of Bi-friendly shows, The Magicians would top the list. The way True Blood used to.
Syfy is not HBO so it’s not as sexy as True Blood but season one just ended and it ended well. And I can’t wait for season two. Honestly, I’ve already watched season one twice.
I’m gonna end this post now but I will leave you with this:
For me it’s not straight OR gay. It’s not man OR woman. It’s not binary.
It’s not binary… but it is Bisexual.
This was fun.