Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Get Hard

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get Spoiled.

Get Hard (Warner Bros. Pictures)

Get Hard Poster

Directed by Etan Cohen

Written by Jay Martel, Ian Roberts, Etan Cohen & Adam McKay

Starring Will FerrellKevin HartAlison BrieTip “T.I.” HarrisEdwina Findley & Craig T. Nelson

Get Hard is another one of those films without a plot or any writing at all. Another case of a studio making a movie when all they have is a couple of stars. They don’t even care about making a good movies. They don’t care about that at all. Because these crappy movies make money. They make so much money. When there is no plot. No logic. No explanation or story. Will Farrell plays a guy who is going to prison for doing something illegal but they never bother to write it down so it doesn’t really matter. There is no logical connection between him and Kevin Hart and so there is no real plot. Just a bunch of gags. Get Hard is the laziest piece of crap I’ve had to sit through in a long time. Well… this month.

Verdict: SPOILED

Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart

“What do you mean? It makes total sense that I would bring my expensive car to this piece of shit car wash. It makes total sense.” “No. You thought I was going to rob you. If you were that frightened, you never would have driven in here. It makes no sense.”

SPOILER ALERT

In the beginning we see how rich Will Ferrell’s character is. He looks like a billionaire. He’s good at his financial job, whatever that is. He’s married to a stone cold hottie, played by Alison Brie. (I loves me some Alison Brie. Just want to put her on a cracker) So life is good for our hero. But in the middle of his birthday party (I think it was his birthday party… he jams with John Mayer… it’s pretty cool) he gets arrested by the feds for some trading thing and we’re off to the races. He’s going to maximum security prison in about a month and he thinks he has to get hard in order to survive.

“Why would the FBI arrest him during a crowded birthday party? It makes no sense.” “They just wanted to stop John Mayer from playing.’ “Oh well that makes sense.”

He goes to his local car wash (Why does a billionaire take his own car to be washed? But never mind). Where he hooks up with Kevin Hart who sets out to teach him how to act hard when he’s in prison. Or at least how to join a gang. The joke here is that Kevin Hart has never been to prison. Then there’s a couple of Abbott and Costello type gags and I’m doing them a great service by comparing these two to two of the greats. Because these scenes are funny but there’s no logic or plot that gets us to these scenes and because of that they don’t pack the same punch that they would if they had occurred organically in a good story. Instead these are just skits. Two-man skits. And some of them are very funny. But most of them are cringe-worthy. And nearly all of them are racially offensive or at the bare minimum, insensitive and aggressively homophobic.

get-hard

“This is not offensive. Because I am not in black-face.”

Get Hard starts to get good when they accidentally write a character arc for Will Ferrell’s character as he begins to assimilate into the thug life. Will Ferrell is better than the material and it’s notable that they try a White Supremacist gang but it doesn’t go as well. The movie actually starts to be enjoyable as Will teaches the gang-bangers about high finance and they teach him how to Get Hard. And they do a better job of it than the Kevin Hart character who has never even had a parking ticket.

Hard

“Okay. Staring contest. Let’s do this. Wait a minute. Isn’t that Ron Funches back there? That guy’s about as hard as Carlton from Fresh Prince. That guy’s a teddy bear. What kind of movie is this?”

And did I mention Alison Brie? Because Alison Brie is lovely and she’s in the movie as well. So even though there was no plot or logic up to that point, the few very funny gags, Alison Brie and the scenes with the street gang made me start to forgive Get Hard. But not so fast. Because they throw that whole thing away quickly. All of sudden we’re back at square one and Ferrell hasn’t learned a thing. And we’re back to the bad.

Alison Brie in Get Hard

submitted without comment.

Because then they try to create some sort of climax for the film and it is beyond stupid. They don’t use any of the skills our hero learned. The grand fight scene is so stupid it reminds me of something you might find in an Abbott and Costello movie (and I don’t mean that as a compliment). It is the dumbest fight scene of all time. Will Ferrell all of a sudden knows martial arts. And he’s really good for absolutely no reason. And none of the bad guys pull their guns and shoot him.

Kevin Hart in Get Hard

“Why the hell I got a flamethrower? Is it because I’m black? Is it because I’m short? Well if it isn’t either if those things then I don’t know what. All the material I have is about my skin color or my height. I’m a two-dimensional character in everything I do. Oh… yeah… okay. Now I know why I got the flamethrower.”

Get Hard is awful. There are a few laughs along the way (mostly from Will Ferrell because Kevin Hart is immensely over-rated and not funny) but these few laughs don’t make up for the fact that there is no logic, no reason and no story. But I bet you anything they make a sequel. They’ll make another one of these even though Get Hard is an awful movie.

– Mel

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One thought on “Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Get Hard

  1. Pingback: Top 20 Biggest Cinematic Disappointments of 2015 | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

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