Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: Miss Meadows

The rules are simple: The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Miss Meadows (Entertainment One Films)

Miss Meadows Poster

Written & Directed by Karen Leigh Hopkins

Starring  Katie HolmesJames Badge DaleCallan Mulvey & Stephen Bishop

In Miss Meadows, Katie Holmes plays an infantile school teacher who is also a vigilante. Katie Holmes is beautiful. But this is the only good thing I can say about the movie. It is badly written and directed by Karen Leigh Hopkins, while Katie Holmes gives the worse performance of her career. She behaves like a little girl; wearing taps on her shoes, saying cutesy things that rhyme, and acting like a crazy person, yet, for some reason, they put her in charge of children. She plays a school teacher and she walks around with a small pistol in her purse and she shoots people. That’s the movie.

Verdict: SPOILED

Katie Holmes is Miss Meadows

SPOILER ALERT

In the opening scene of Miss Meadows, she is harassed by a man in a truck who opens the passenger side door and orders her by gun point to get inside. She shoots him from twenty yards away. Reaching into her little gun-purse, pulling her pistol and firing on him before he can twitch his index finger. He’s still inside the truck, yet somehow she gets blood on her dress. Or maybe she doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. The movie sucks.

Katie Holmes

Miss Meadows relives a childhood trauma over and over in her head. She dresses like a six year old while she skips and tap dances around her neighborhood. A neighborhood described as a popular destination for paroled criminals. This is an adult woman. I question her judgement. Not the character. The actress. After watching this movie, I question Katie Holmes’ judgement. Everyone else in this movie seems not to notice that she acts disturbingly insane. So they let her teach Sunday School, sing in the church choir, and she dates the town sheriff. She’s a school teacher who acts like a child.

Miss Dirty Harry Meadows

At one point in the movie, Miss Meadows walks into a fast food restaurant in the middle of the day to buy hot dogs for her class. Her class is on a field trip to the park. The restaurant is right next to the park on a busy street. She walks in and there has been a mass shooting. A man with a shotgun has killed all the workers and all the customers. No one on the street has noticed or heard the shooting. He has a shotgun. A freaking shotgun. There are no screams or sirens. She calmly walks in and dispatches him like Dirty Harry, with her little purse gun. He’s pointing his shotgun at her head but she’s able to reach into her purse and pull her little pistol and shoot him, again, before he can twitch his index finger. And then she calmly rejoins her class without anyone seeing her. The kids will have to settle for ice cream. What a horrible movie.

Miss Meadows Mom

Miss Meadows spends most of the movie checking in with her mother by phone. Anyone can see this twist coming from a mile away; that the mom is dead. The Sheriff, her boyfriend, knows she’s crazy, suspects she’s the vigilante, but marries her anyway. What a crappy movie. These two have a child and at the end of the film after they defeat the bad paroled prisoner and save her young student from the bad man (In a better movie the little girl would have been imaginary and the mother would have still been alive and a bad influence). She leaves him watching their child while she goes out patrolling the neighborhood with her purse pistol. SERIOUSLY!!! Wasn’t he a cop at one point?

Miss-Meadows

She grabs her gun-purse and hits the mean streets while her husband the former sheriff plays the accordion for their child in her living room. (I’m being serious) Was it all a dream? This is the point in a better film where they would show us this was all some delusion and she’s been in a padded room since the climax. Nope. No such luck. She tap dances her way down the street. Fade to black. No continuity. No logic. It’s not funny. And the tone is dark while hers is light, so it’s hard to imagine that it’s meant to be funny.

For the love of god don’t rent this crap.

– Mel

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