The rules are simple: The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.
Gone Girl (20th Century Fox)
Directed by David Fincher
Gone Girl is the story of one stupid man and his missing wife. I went into this thing thinking I already knew the story. The spoilers are everywhere. But I didn’t know the ending. The ending is awful. I can’t talk about this movie without spoiling it, so I will simply say that it is too long, too complicated, and Ben Affleck is a much better director than he is an actor. I don’t recommend sitting through Gone Girl. Mostly because there is very little pay off. There are some choice moments throughout that are thrilling but the only time it gets really compelling is at the end. But then the movie ends with no pay off. So annoying. Do not waste your time with this. Read the book instead.
Gone Girl is the story of an incredibly focused woman and her unfocused husband. She is a complete psychopath and he is a creepy lecherous sociopath. She is a spoiled little girl that never recovered from a traumatically slightly-less-than-perfect childhood and he is an immature and horny man-boy professor who can only do one thing right and that’s seduce women who are way out of his league.
What annoyed me most about this movie was how gloriously flawed the main characters are. We spend the first hour, under the watchful eye of our clinically insane narrator, seeing her husband trip all over himself (and the evidence to exonerate him) to such a furious degree that I was almost hoping he would get executed for his wife’s murder even though she wasn’t even dead. It would have served the idiot right.
But then we spend the second hour with her. She comes in and she is so calculated and perfect. She’s batshit crazy but she’s ruthlessly efficient as she delays her elaborate suicide, a suicide that she would never commit in a million years because she’s way too self-centered and self-involved to kill her favorite person.
And then we learn that these polar opposites; one a psychotic manipulative murderous fishwife, and one a mumbling, stumbling, cow-towing, yet still somehow charming, enabler, are planning to raise a kid. Roll credits. Movie ends. Wait. You had finally established the characters. It was just about to get good. We spend the entire running time as they slowly introduce them to us separately but once we finally know them and bring them together the movie ends. And they lived psychotically ever after.
David Fincher is still a great director. And he is not what’s wrong with this movie. What’s wrong is that all of the characters are unlikable. They are either fools or geniuses. Psychopaths or sociopaths. Victims or killers. Where is this despicable world so I can go there and blow it up. Just blow them all the fuck up.
I probably would have liked the book but it makes for a maddeningly stupid movie.