Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews

I have good news and I have bad news and they’re both the same news.

Firstly, I’m introducing a new movie review heading called Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews. The rules are simple: The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

But this also means the end of 5 Quick Reviews. No, no. Please, dry your eyes. It’s not the end of the world. We’ll always have three years of unsearchable movie reviews of good movies sandwiched between reviews of bad ones.

But what it really does for me is untie my hands when talking about bad movies. I really hate a bad movie. So what I usually do is rant about how bad a movie is without being able to explain why. That ends today.

You Shall Not Pass

If it’s a good movie (to me) I won’t spoil it. I’ll rave about it and do my regular quick review. But if it’s a bad movie, I will tell you guys why I hate it complete with spoilers and examples from the film. I will spoil the whole thing.

Don’t worry. I’ll tell you upfront whether it’s Spared or Spoiled. There will still be the poster, the creative list, a small synopsis and then my verdict. If my verdict is SPOILED, you can stop reading there if you were planning to see it and don’t want to be spoiled. You’ll still get pictures and of course a chance to comment. But if it’s SPARED, you can keep reading without being spoiled and as always spoilers are allowed in the comments.

Fly, You Fools

Here’s an example using one of my favorite films of all-time The Empire Strikes Back. First I’ll spare it. Then I’ll spoil it. oh yeah… SPOILER ALERT.

 

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (20th Century Fox)

The Empire Strikes Back Poster

Directed by Irvin Kershner

Written by Leigh Brackett & Lawrence Kasdan

Starring Mark HamillHarrison FordCarrie FisherBilly Dee WilliamsAnthony DanielsDavid ProwseKenny BakerPeter Mayhew & Frank Oz

The second movie in the Star Wars saga, The Empire Strikes Back, continues the adventures of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia and their droids, friends and colleagues. I really enjoyed it.

Verdict: SPARED

Luke, Leia and the Droids

The Empire Strikes Back is even more exciting than the first movie. The rebellion against the empire continues but this time, as the title suggests, the evil empire strikes back against the rebels. The movie is amazing. I predict that in 30 years I will have seen The Empire Strikes Back over 200 times.

It’s that good.

And now the dark side…

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (20th Century Fox)

The Empire Strikes Back Poster2

Directed by Irvin Kershner

Written by Leigh Brackett & Lawrence Kasdan

Starring Mark HamillHarrison FordCarrie FisherBilly Dee WilliamsAnthony DanielsDavid ProwseKenny BakerPeter Mayhew & Frank Oz

The second movie in the Star Wars saga, The Empire Strikes Back, continues the adventures of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo blah blah blah. It’s really not very good.

Verdict: SPOILED

Vader, Lando and Boba Fett

The Empire Strikes Back? More like the movie is half-finished. Not only are we force-fed this preposterous contrivance that Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are related (Darth’s his father? seriously?) but then we get a cliff hanger where Han Solo ends the movie frozen in ice or something. It just ends. We don’t get a conclusion. I paid a full admission price. I wanted a full movie. I don’t know about you guys, but I feel cheated.

Somebody get George Lucas on the phone.

 

So yeah. That’s how it will go.

I hope fans of 5 Quick Reviews will grow to love the new format.

Like a shark, the story must move forward. For when the story stops, the story ends.

I hope to see you guys at the movies.

– Mel

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9 thoughts on “Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews

  1. Pingback: Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: American Sniper | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

  2. Pingback: Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: John Wick | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

  3. Pingback: Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: The Theory of Everything | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

  4. Pingback: Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: Top Five | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

  5. Pingback: Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: Avengers- Age of Ultron | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

  6. Pingback: Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Creed | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

  7. Pingback: Spared or Spoiled Film Reviews: Passengers | Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

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