Man of Steel Review

Man of Steel Poster

I saw Man of Steel tonight. Saw it on a 3D IMAX screen in a packed house. It was NOT very good.

This review has mild spoilers throughout but if you don’t already know the Superman story then bless your heart.

There’s one big spoiler but it’s labelled well and easy to skip.

Jesus What a Bad Movie

Jor-El 3:16

Basically… I wanted more from the planet Krypton. Why doesn’t anyone, doing the Superman origin story, ever stay on Krypton longer? Hell, I would love to see a full Krypton movie with the boy in the spaceship being the end of the film. Something like; They successfully get Kal-El out of there after an epic battle as Krypton explodes. His parents triumphant as they burn while watching him fly away. Now that’s a movie. (Or the opening of Star Trek)

You Decide Who Lives and Who Dies... Like God

“A Superman Movie with no Kents? That’s crazy pants, son.”

We all know Supes. Everybody knows supes. He’s the most well-known superhero in the history of superheroes. So when you try to change him, it’s a bit upsetting. Like his suit or his powers. However, you can do anything you want with the prologue. Including add lots of great effects, sets and costumes.

Jor-El is a Badass

“I am Jor-El and I am a bad-ass.”

The effects for the Krypton technology are breathtaking (wanted more). The drama of the Krypton home world was interesting with great actors playing bigger than life characters (wanted more). The politics. The backstory.

Love.

Love.

But explain to me again why they couldn’t just all leave the damn planet. Did they make a suicide pact or something? At least with Vulcan in Star Trek, it sneaks up on them. Kryptonians see this coming. And why, when everybody is going to die a grizzly death, do they save the lives of their last convicted murderers and terrorists. Just put ’em in a corner and wait.

Man of Steel

“General, I think he has a point there.”

Explain that, with your kick-ass special effects and your cool-ass costumes. Oh you’ve only got 15 minutes in the beginning of a shitty reboot. I’m sorry for your loss.

We Can Outrun This Falling Building... Wait. What

“I think we can outrun this falling skyscraper, Perry.”

Speaking of sorry for your loss. Doesn’t it occur to the filmmakers and the screenwriters that buildings; tall skyscrapers and office buildings, small town shopping centers and restaurants, have people in them. Lots and lots of people. Because the death toll in this film has got to be over a million innocent bystanders crushed to death.

And knowing this, as they should, and knowing this as Kal-El should, Why the hell does he take the time to save two soldiers and why are we supposed to be impressed by that, (and he saves Lois Lane of course but we know the story and by know the story I mean you would have to know the story to realize that they are attracted to each other. Just their name tags are suppose to clue us in. That’s Superman and over there, that’s Lois Lane. oh, okay so… they should get together. [I miss Kidder and Reeve])

And after causing the deaths of countless people. It takes superman FOREVER

F O R E V E R

to realize…

It's Almost Like He Didn't Like The Movie

“Keep your head down, Lois. Because I don’t think he likes us.”

BIG SPOILER ALERT

BIG SPOILER ALERT

That he has to kill somebody to make it stop. In fact it has to be spelled out for him with the tiny humans cowering in a corner. Four of them. Not the million others that died but four.

They go so far as to send their big gun to the other side of the earth by himself while the tiny little army men try to save Metropolis. Where was Superman as buildings were being toppled? Where was Superman while massive debris was raining down on the populace? He’s supposed to be trying to save people while trying to fight the bad guy.
END BIG SPOILER ALERT

END BIG SPOILER ALERT

This Would Be Cool If It Were In The Movie

“These glasses make you invisible to everyone… and a dweeb.”

… realize that he has to do something about it.

That’s Superman.

He is overpowered. But because he tries to do two things at once; Save lives while fighting the bad guys, Or save Lois and still defeat the bad guy, it isn’t as easy as it should be considering how overpowered he is.

HAVE YOU NEVER READ OR SEEN A SUPERMAN STORY ZAK SNYDER?

Wear This Gas Mask... Wait. What

“Oh my god. They’re gonna kiss. This is so cool.”

That having been said, the acting is good. I love Amy Adams as Lois and I like that they skipped the whole “Best reporter alive doesn’t know that the guy sitting next to her is an alien” thing. And I loved both sets of parents… their acting. Not the writing. The dialogue for the Kent’s is god awful. The story is confusing and convoluted with flashbacks within flashbacks and no Kryptonite but instead they replace it with some kind of air quality thing. Come on man you can’t change the basics.

So are you telling me if Superman had thought to bring an oxygen mask with him then none of that crappy climactic sequence would have been necessary?

Superman Chained

“Is it a crime to do a bad Comic Book Movie? Uh… it is? Damn.”

I was not entertained. But if you remove General Zod from the movie. Perhaps concentrate more on Lois tracking down the alien and the government and the army not trusting him and Clark trying to blend in and not wanting to reveal himself almost to the point where he has to let people die, like his father wants. Well, then you’d have a good movie.

But it was like they wanted to rush through the stories of the first two Superman movies so they could get to The Justice League as fast as possible. Nah that can’t be it, right?

Kneel Before Zod

“Now you’re talking.”

Then maybe they should have done what Donner and Lester did (or as I call them: The Richards). Film it all at once and cut it into two movies. They are still the best Superman Movies of all time.

Superman The Movie; the origin story and the love story and

Superman 2; the kick-ass action blockbuster that the first one couldn’t be.

Just rent those two fantastic movies. If you don’t already own them. (you should own them)

Superman and Lois Lane

“Maybe so, but then they’ll miss out on the hottest Lois & Clark since Hatcher and Cain.”

Even though, Amy Adams and Henry Cavill are both very very very hot. (3 verys… each)

“Looks like they screwed up Superman again.”

It was very loud in the theater and my hearing hasn’t returned yet.

“I SAID THEY SCREWED UP SUPERMAN AGAIN!!!!”

Alright, I heard you the first time.

How Does Superman Shave

“But you’ll still watch the next one, right?”

Of course I will.

Later supes.

– Mel

 

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3 thoughts on “Man of Steel Review

  1. Although I did enjoy this one, I can understand where you’re coming from. This was a very different take on the Superman mythology. I also wanted to see more of Krypton. The opening prologue was my favorite part of the movie! 🙂

    Like

    • But what does that say about a movie when the best part is the prologue? I wasn’t so annoyed with the direction they took Superman himself. I liked Lois and I liked the suit but I thought Zod was badly written and the Kents were extremely badly written and I wanted less big action destruction and more of the real human interaction.

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