I saw Iron Man Three tonight. (And that’s how it is written with the number spelled out like that. You know… stupidly)
There is not a lot I can say about this movie without massive spoilers. So I’ll just say that I was disappointed.
It was well-written. Robert Downey Jr is amazing as always. It feels like he’s just making it up as he goes along which is so fucking cool.
I think Shane Black is a great writer. He wrote Lethal Weapon; One of my favorite films. Always very cool. Great action and good dialogue. But he’s just a decent director. Not ready for the big budget blockbuster. I thought the movie could have used a better director.
And now the spoilers. Massive massive spoilers. Stop reading now.
Stop reading NOW!!!
You have been warned.
Okay one more…
What The Hell, Marvel. I was all set for the Mandarin. I wanted to see the Mandarin. Where was the fucking Mandarin? Talk about false advertising. Bait and motherfucking switch. Pissed me the fuck off. Good movie except if you promise me The Mandarin and give me shit, I’m going to be annoyed. I sat there wishing it was all some joke. Some kind of subterfuge from… (gulp) The Mandarin. All those rings on his fingers… nothing. Oscar-winning actor in the role… nothing. Yes, Sir Ben Kingsley was pretty good after the reveal. Cracked me up or I should say, it would have cracked me up if it didn’t make me so angry.
You don’t know.
And what was with that 1970’s made for TV movie cheesy as hell End Titles? That was awful. Just awful.
Shane Black is no Jon Favreau. Of course Jon Favreau is actually two and a half Jon Favreaus at this point. (He blew up good) And where was Bruce? I thought Tony and Bruce were going to do some science. Hell when Pepper gets all suped up, I was like well here’s the point where you call your friend the god damn geneticist right? Nope. Not one Avenger in the whole damn thing unless you count the after credits epilogue (which I don’t).
I liked the PTSD element of the story. I liked it a lot. If you think about it. All of the other Avengers are seasoned warriors and soldiers one and all. Captain America, Hawkeye and Black Widow are all actual soldiers. Thor is the fucking God of War so he’s pretty much at home in a battle. But even Hulk, who has been in a lot of huge fights, gets some bad flashbacks. However, the battle in New York was trust fund boy Tony Stark‘s first real action in a major battle so I liked that he had serious problems sleeping and horrible anxiety attacks. Felt real. Good story.
And I liked Don Cheadle. But he’s always good.
Honestly I liked the movie up to the point where they pull the wool off and explain how The Mandarin isn’t The Mandarin. At one point Guy Pearce says that he’s the Mandarin. I think his words were, “I’m The Mandarin.”
It was all I could do to not stand up in that theater and shout “No! No you’re not! You’re not the Mandarin.” And as the ushers (it would take four of them) dragged me from the theater. I would still be screaming.
“You’re not The Mandarin! It’s a lie! They’re lying to you!”
And even as the doors closed you would still hear me yelling in the halls of the old theater.
“They’re lying to you!!! He’s not the fucking Mandarin!!!”
Please tell me that was all a joke.
“Oh Mel. We were just kidding. Here’s the real movie with Ben Kingsley as The Mandarin. Power Rings and all. Enjoy.“
And as I stare off into space from the metal bench in the communal cell at central booking, disturbing the peace I think they call it, you can barely make out my muttering through smiling teeth and wild staring eyes.
“Thank you. I knew you were joking. Thank you, Marvel Studios. Ben Kingsley is The Mandarin. Ben Kingsley is The Mandarin.”
“Yo man you ‘gon eat that baloney sandwich?” Someone asks.
“No. You can have it.” I say. “Ben Kingsley is The Mandarin.” I add as he moves to the far side of the cell.
Ben Kingsley is The Mandarin.