5 Quick Reviews of 5 Movies on DVD this Month: Turn Off Your Brain Edition

This month I bring you 5 Turn Your Brain Off Movies. Just sit back and enjoy them but don’t think about these films too hard. They either have plot holes, are incredibly silly, are mindless fun or weren’t very good at all.

You want me to turn off my what now?

You want me to turn off my what now?

Not you Alice, sweetie. Just keep doing what you do.

You’ll see that, for 3 of these movies I was able to turn my brain off and really enjoy myself but for the other 2… I was not.

To the list.

First up…

The Bourne Legacy (Universal)

Directed by Tony Gilroy

Written by Tony & Dan Gilroy

The Bourne Legacy

Starring Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, Ed Norton & Joan Allen

Action Spy Thriller

I tried to enjoy this movie (I love and own all three Matt Damon Bourne flicks) But I was bored.

Rachel Weisz & Jeremy Renner

Rachel Weisz was good (as always. She is an amazing actress) however Jeremy Renner was bland and Ed Norton was just average and I was bored.

Jeremy Renner in The Bourne Legacy

There are some really fine stunts and action sequences. And I liked the way they showed you where the Jason Bourne story was in relation to each act of this one, but it only served to remind me of how much I missed Matt and wished this was a JASON Bourne movie. maybe I’m just biased because I loved the first three movies so much but I never got into this one. I would have rather read the book.

Rent or Pass (It doesn’t really matter. I was bored)

Next we have…

Looper (TriStar Pictures & Alliance Films)

Written & Directed by Rian Johnson

Looper Poster

Starring Bruce Willis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (but not his nose) & Emily Blunt

Science Fiction Time Travel Thriller

I really enjoyed this movie but it is, at its core, an exercise in not thinking too much. It gets a bit Timey-Wimey (If you know what I mean… Whovians know) And you have to stop yourself from contemplating the paradoxes or you will end up in a loop of your own creation.

Bruce Willis & Joesph Gordon-Levitt

But Looper is so well-written, well-acted, well-directed and just an overall fantastic film, that it doesn’t matter. If you can ignore its paradoxical nature, you will find that it is one of the best movies of 2012. Having said that, if you think about it humongous plot holes appear (unless you consider over-lapping universes or branching timelines – something not mentioned in the story) I like a good time travel story. And this is a good time travel story.

Rent (I may buy this one. I liked it a lot)


Resident Evil: Retribution (Screen Gems)

Written & Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

Resident Evil: Retribution

Starring Milla Jovavich & Michelle Rodriguez

Science Fiction Action Horror

The latest installment in the Resident Evil franchise is fun, if also very dumb. But still… fun. It must be hard to make a good video game movie because there aren’t any. And this is no exception. But it has fun fight scenes and cool shootouts and great casting (all of Alice’s past foes are back). So, it’s a pretty good movie.

Milla Jovovich

However, there are continuity issues throughout (she destroys her car door on a motorcycle and then it miraculously reappears in the next scene, for starters) But Michelle Rodriguez is hot as fuck and Milla still kicks serious ass.

Michelle Rodriguez in Resident Evil: Retribution

And even with the blatant Alien & Aliens rip-offs in the story-line, this was a decent, while still mindless, video game movie.


Next… oh no not this one

Men In Black 3 (Guys in suits w/ small minds)

Directed by Somebody

Written by Some Other People

Men In Black 3 Poster

Not the Men In Black 3 Poster

Starring the usual suspects (There’s a good movie. The Usual Suspects. Rent that instead)

Unnecessary Sequel

My review is as follows… NO.

Stop making these Men In Black movies. They are a waste of money. The first one was sort of good. The second one was redundant but at least it gave us Rosario Dawson. This one, however,  is clearly just so that there’s three of them. You know, the whole trilogy thing.

The Best Scene in the MIB3

Not a picture of Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones or Someone Else Who Should Know Better Than To Do Another One Of These from the movie Men In Black 3

There’s 3 of them now, guys. You can stop.

Please stop.

Pass on this – OBVIOUSLY

Next up some comedy…

Ted (Universal)

Written & Directed by Seth MacFarlane

Ted Movie Poster

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane & the wonderful Mila Kunis

Romantic Fantasy Adult Comedy

Ted is so fucking funny. I Love Seth MacFarlane’s humor and Mila Kunis (can’t never get enough Mila). They are so funny, it almost made me forget that I was watching Mark Wahlberg (Though he’s a pretty decent straight man).

Ted & The Girls

There are plot holes in this one as well but they are acceptable because it’s silly and so damn funny. In fact my only real problem with this movie, if I had to find one, is that Ted (the talking teddy bear) sounds so much like Peter Griffin from Family Guy (also voiced by MacFarlane) that it threw me off a little. But in the end this is a very funny, sort of sweet, semi-romantic but hysterically fucking funny movie.

Mila Kunis in Ted

What about me, Mel.

And Mila Kunis. We must never forget Mila Kunis.

Rent this one but turn off your brain first.

So to recap:

  • The Bourne Legacy is a great story yet I think they go out of their way to make sure that Matt Damon can come back & it suffers.

But rent it anyway

  • Looper is a great story yet because they don’t try to explain away the time paradoxes, you have to do it yourself.

But rent it anyway

  • Resident Evil: Retribution is a great video game story. Swarm Levels, Boss Battles, Co-op Modes & Finishing Moves, yet it is mindless.

But rent it anyway

  • Ted is a great story yet it can be silly, juvenile, crass & fantastical.

But rent it anyway

And a 5th movie that I can’t remember right now.

Fuck You Men In Black 3

Fuck You Men In Black 3

Oh yeah.

See you at the movies

– Mel


5 thoughts on “5 Quick Reviews of 5 Movies on DVD this Month: Turn Off Your Brain Edition

  1. I’m a sucker for that whole willing suspension of disbelief thing (i.e. a Whovian) as long as the movie is engaging in other ways. I want to see Ted, for the sake of Seth MacFarlane and Mila Kunis.

    An old friend once showed me her childhood teddy bear. It was mostly bald, one eye missing, and looked really creepy. I physically flinched from the thing, not a response she was expecting.


    • Yeah my old teddy bear was a mess. Faded, Discolored and with two different buttons for eyes (neither the original) mostly because I slept with it every night but also because it doubled as a football during the day. That’s why I called him Teddy Beam. (he flew across the room much like a beam)


  2. Pingback: End of Year Review: The Good The Bad The Ugly & The Movies from 2012 MEGAPOST « Mel Rook & The 7 Deadly Sins

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