People

I used to Fuck with People
Make a Buck with People
Get too Drunk with People
Try to Bunk with People

Should’ve Stuck with People
Now I Suck with People
Got no Luck with People
Got no Luck.

I used to Cheat off People
Beat My Meat off People
Sometimes Eat off People
Walk The Feet off People

Paint a Smile on People
Even Pile On People
Blind Drunk Dial on People
(It’s me. You up?)

I used to Take from People
Hide Mistakes from People
My Heart Aches
From
People
Took a Break from People

Took a side from People
Now I Hide from People
Stay Inside
From People
Stay Inside

I used to Fuck with People
Make a Buck with People
Get too Drunk with People
Try to Bunk with People

Could’ve Stuck with People
Now I Suck with People
Got no Luck with People
Got no Luck.

– Mel

2012 in review (Lust & the Movies)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 19,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

End of Year Review: The Good The Bad The Ugly & The Movies from 2012 MEGAPOST

Goodbye 2012. I am happy to see it go.

Goodbye to the fiscal cliff. Goodbye to the most negative presidential election I have ever seen in my life.

Goodbye to end of the world prophecies. Goodbye to the bloodiest year for domestic gun violence since the civil war.

Goodbye to the shittiest year of the 21st century so far.

Goodbye.

Let’s get to it…

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and The Movies of 2012.

THE GOOD of 2012:

Television got even better in 2012. People had less money in 2012. Stayed at home and watched TV more in 2012. So TV producers stepped up their games and brought the goods in 2012. Television was awesome in 2012

Best Television Moments in 2012

In 2012 some of my favorite shows had their best seasons. Here are ten of my favorite things.

Doctor Who: The Snowmen Christmas Special

Doctor Who: The Snowmen

The episode was very good. I love the new companion. She’s as pretty as Rose Tyler, as brilliant as Martha Jones. She’s as fearless as Amy Pond, as cute & funny as Donna Noble. But most of all she’s about as mysterious as River Song. The one word lie detector test scene was amazing.

The Doctor Who Gang

I can’t wait until April. I WANT MORE DOCTOR WHO NOW.

The Walking Dead’s Michonne

Michonne from The Walking Dead

She really made this season of the show for me. She is a badass. A badass, dread-locked, lesbian w/ a samurai sword. Where do I sign? I loved this season. Best one so far.

Rachel Maddow’s Last Show Before Election Day & Her First Show After The Election

Rachel Maddow

I would put both of these shows in the time capsule. Pure Perfection. Rachel really worked overtime this election season. Before he leaves office, President Obama really should reward her in some way. (Exclusive Interview, Medal of Honor, Blanket Pardon for Future Crimes… something nice)

Fringe: The Final Season

Fringe Final Season

The show is fantastic. Still one of the best shows in TV history. Some of their best performances are from this season. And some of their best writing.

Game of Thrones: The Battle of Blackwater

Game of Thrones Blackwater

The episode was one of the best hours of TV in 2012.

Game of Thrones Tyrion

“Those are brave men knocking on our door… Let’s go kill them.”

Peter Dinklage was robbed at the Emmy’s. I can’t wait until March.

Elementary & Vegas

Elementary & Vegas

These are two entertaining & well-written new mystery shows on CBS. With all-star casts. And neither is your run-of-the-mill procedural. Both are great shows renewed for second seasons. Watch them.

Girls:  Welcome to Bushwick a.k.a. The Crackcident

Girls HBO

The Bushwick Episode was the best episode of the season of a thoroughly enjoyable and immensely entertaining show. Lena Dunham did great work last year. I hope the second season is as good as the first.

Breaking Bad’s Evolution of Walter White

Breaking Bad Walter White

This show gets better and better every year. It was already good. It’s criminally good now. (“Say My Name” “Heisenberg.” “You damn right.”) I’m looking forward to an intense finale.

Best Performer in 2012

Anne Hathaway

2012 was most definitely her year. Anne Hathaway has been good for a while but finally everyone else is beginning to recognize her talent.

"You Look Hungry Anne. Could I Tempt You With A Bite?"

“You Look Hungry Anne. Could I Tempt You With A Bite?”

She is incredibly good in Les Miserables. Made me weep my eyes out. I was soaked. Great voice. Great acting. She dropped the weight for the necessary realism. And then proceeded to blow the roof off of every theater in the country.

And the Oscar goes to…

"Don't Play. You Know I Could Eat You Up Little Girl."

“Don’t Play. You Know I Could Eat You Up Little Girl.”

And earlier in the year she kicked ass as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. She took an iconic character that has been played to death by Oscar winners and icons in movies and television for decades and she made it her own. Anne Hathaway was my favorite thing in an excellent film (one of my top films of the year…wink).

"Keep Laughing Amanda. I May Not Be Able To Outsing You But I Will Swallow You Whole."

“Watch It, Hathaway. You Know You Can’t Hit Those High Notes Like Me.”
“Keep Laughing Amanda. I May Not Be Able To Out-sing You But I Will Swallow You Whole.”

Anne Hathaway has officially become my favorite actress. She is insanely talented, funny, has a fantastic voice and is gorgeous. The girl is smokin’ hot.

"Okay, I'm Going To Eat You Know."

“Ha Ha. You Wish.”
“Okay, I’m Going To Eat You Know.”

And even when she hosted SNL (a show that has seen better days but looks to be getting back to form) it was their best show of the year.

"All Gone."

“All Gone… Thank You. Thank You.”

And now to bummer town…

THE BAD of 2012

or more accurately

The problems we need to address in 2013

First and foremost…

Movie Ticket Prices

Yep That Looks About Right

Yep That Looks About Right

Come on man, $23.00 for IMAX? And even more for IMAX 3D.  That’s crazy pants. Although I did like the reserved seating for The Hobbit. No line, already knowing where your seats are. (I got cheated out of the Star Trek sneak peek that they promised, however. Still angry about that one)

But guys, seriously, the movie going experience is no longer better than viewing at home. It just isn’t. You have to either make it more special. Maybe a restaurant & movie situation or beer & wine at the movies. Perhaps optional headphones. I don’t know. But it ain’t worth the money as it is, except for maybe when there’s a major event movie coming out, where seeing it the first weekend is important.

Other than that I’ll be waiting for the DVD.

Terrorism

It's A Madhouse! A Madhouse!

It’s A Madhouse! A Madhouse!

It’s the escalation of the mass shootings that troubles me & how the pattern seems to suggest that they are designed in a way to make us feel unsafe in the places that have been our safe havens.

Of course that suggests that there is an intelligence behind them. Not just wacko after wacko trying to outdo, out-evil, out horrify, and one-up the last, instantly famous mass murderer that came before them before they off themselves.

(By the way, fellas, skip right to the last shooting, the one where you shoot yourself. That way you die a hero. You die having killed a probable & future mass murderer. “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” – Half of a great man said that)

But these trends do not have to have intelligence behind them. The next killer, having seen the way the news vilifies but also enshrines and bathes in the spotlight the previous super villain (these guys think they’re in a comic book or something), then comes up with a new, more heinous way to make us all cringe.

The depths of darkness that someone can dive to when they believe that they are dark to their very core is only limited by imagination.

Universal Mental Health Care (and Health Care in general, for that matter) can do so much to reduce this escalating trend. You need to find these troubled souls when they are too small to make these plans, to hold a gun, to do these things. For our safety, for their family & friends and for the victims.

Race

There Is No Such Thing As Mixed Race To A Racist

There Is No Such Thing As Mixed Race To A Racist

Not just racism, mind you, but race. Because there is no racism without the misguided idea of race.

So why can’t different humans from different regions and different backgrounds just look different: Skin, Hair, Eyes, Height, Weight. Be different: Sex, Personality, Creativity, Intellect, Language. And/Or believe different: Politics, Spirituality, Religion. Be Human without then having to form groups and perpetuate the illusion of a competition.

That’s what sports are for. (And frankly I’d rather be in a soccer riot than a race riot any day)

Fear

False Evidence Appearing Real

False Evidence Appearing Real

The misguided fear that believes if homosexuality is universally accepted that they will have no choice but to be gay. Because the only thing stopping them at this point, I suppose, is that people LIKE THEM would attack them. (or other equally stupid reasons to deny Marriage Equality)

And the annoying fear that seems to believe that by accepting a man’s role in human reproduction, as almost nil, somehow makes men more useless than they already are. Leading to this need to legislate reproduction so that they still feel important and involved. Aw, fellas. You feel left out? By how you’re acting, I’m guessing there’s a reason. Uterine envy is ugly business, gentlemen. Stop it. Stop it now.

And the idiotic fear of Science, fear of evolution or climate change FACTS. A fear so great that you deny the validity of scientific discovery, basic Biology & Physics & Math. Fear that somehow science wants to replace god. We are meant to understand… everything. Your willful ignorance would make any deity weep. If your god had wanted us to remain dumb he wouldn’t have made us so curious.

So those are the problems that I believe reached critical mass in 2012. And if we begin to address them, to solve them, we can save the world.

Fear, Race, Terrorism… & Movie Ticket Prices.

Get on that, planet.

And lastly…

THE MOVIES of 2012

There are 3 major films from 2012 that I haven’t seen yet they are Lincoln, Argo & Zero Dark Thirty but I don’t like to see political propaganda films until a few years after their release. And I know they are all amazing. I’m weird, okay?

To the list

My Top Ten Movies of 2012 (and links to where I blog about them)

1. Les Miserables – Anne Hathaway!! (you have to picture me singing that and not just saying it)

Les Miserables (pronounced lay-miz by theater geeks) is easily the best film of the year. It is the best movie musical of all-time. (Yes, better than West Side Story & The Wizard of Oz. Better than Chicago & The Sound of Music. It’s that good)

Les Miserables

It’s the story of Jean Valjean. Imprisoned for stealing a loaf of bread to feed a starving child & how that crime changes his life. It is the story of the police officer, Javert, haunted by his own past and his twisted sense of justice as he tracks down the fugitive. It is the story of Fantine, a woman pushed to her limits in order to keep her daughter safe and fed. It is the story of France in the early 19th century & the class struggles that followed the French Revolution. It is a love story. It is a story of redemption. But most of all, it is a story with some incredible music.

Les Miserables 2

What the filmmakers added to Victor Hugo’s story and Claude Michel-Schonberg’s beautiful music was an insanely talented cast: the aforementioned Anne Hathaway, the insanely versatile Hugh Jackman, the golden throat-ed Amanda Seyfried & the much hated Russell Crowe (He’s a lot better than he is given credit). They sing every line. There is no speaking. And they sing on camera. On set. Every take.

Les Miserables 3

I loved this film. It is perfect. Some complain about the sound stages and the look of the film but having the actors sing on set creates the need to shoot on a sound stage. There are musicians off camera, playing along with the scene, with the actors. You can’t get that realism on location. because you can’t get that sound on location. So I forgive the sets because the MUSIC is the whole movie.

Go See It or at least Rent It (I’m going to buy it)

2. Prometheus – Ridley Scott (Back where he belongs. Making kick ass Sci Fi Horror)

3. Dark Knight Rises – Christopher Nolan & Hathaway as Catwoman (Fantastic end to an amazing trilogy)

4. The Avengers – Joss!!! (Joss Whedon can do no wrong. Honestly)

5. The Hunger Games – Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss (I used to call Lucy, Catness but now I call her Kitty Katniss) This was a surprisingly good movie.

6. Skyfall – Casting Casting Casting (New M, New Q [all the letters are back and better than ever] and Javier Bardem is deliciously villainous)

Skyfall is a return to form for the Bond franchise. The reboot of the series, and the first two films (The first one about how he becomes a superspy, the second about how he deals with becoming a broken man) left out many of the iconic symbols James Bond fans have been used to seeing. This movie brings them all back with a vengeance.

Skyfall

James Bond is back in the saddle. But this time he’s joined by Q branch, M and Miss Moneypenny and the Ashton Martin & the Walther PPK also his favorite drink (shaken, not stirred)

Personally I didn’t like Skyfall as much as the first two Daniel Craig installments in the series (The amazing Casino Royale & the under-rated Quantum of Solace) but I was happy to see all the old favorites back.

Ralph Fiennes as M

However the absolute gem of Skyfall is the performance by Javier Bardem (Hollywood’s creepy bad guy) as the villainous Silva. He is creepy, evil, funny and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Skyfall Javier Bardem

I’m looking forward to, now that the franchise is back up to speed, seeing where Daniel Craig can go with the character. I believe he is the best James Bond since Sean Connery.

7. The Hobbit – I want to go to there. Where? New Zealand (The landscapes and scenery in this film have a starring role. It is gorgeous)

The first installment of The Hobbit Trilogy (I know it’s just one book but somebody should tell Peter Jackson) is a thrill ride. He brings us back to Middle Earth and introduces us to a new group of adventurers. This time: The Dwarves.

The Hobbit Dwarves 1

The party scene, where the Dwarves take over poor Bilbo’s home, to me, is the highlight of the movie. I like how the Dwarves all work as one well-oiled machine. It’s fun to watch.

The Hobbit Dwarves 2

Martin Freeman as the young  Bilbo is expert casting. He fits the role like a glove. He is not the hero (well not on purpose), he is just along for the ride.

Martin Freeman as Bilbo

It remains to be seen how good the last two films will be but this was a great way to start.

Gollum

And much like in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Gollum steals the movie from the moment he slithers on-screen. Not the best film of the year but in my top ten.

8. Looper – Joseph Gordon-Prosthetic Nose-Levitt (Fantastic film if a bit Timey Wimey)

9. Ted – Seth MacFarlane (Love him. So Funny… & Mila Kunis)

10. Snow White & The Huntsman – Rupert Sanders (For his first feature he did pretty damn good and I don’t mean sleeping with the lead actress)

And Now..

The Bottom Five Movies of 2012 or (how Hollywood spends millions to shit on audiences)

In reverse order

5. John Carter – Mindless Martian Crap

4. Battleship – Loud Abrasive Crap

3. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – Presidential Seal of Crap

2. The Amazing Spider-Man – Comic Book Killing Beautifully Dressed Up Crap

And the worst movie of 2012:

1. Men in Black 3 – A Big ol’ Steaming Pile of Crap

"Why You Be Hatin' On Men In Black 3?"

“Why You Be Hatin’ On Men In Black 3?”

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

And that, my friends, was my 2012. I did not like this year at all. A lot more bad than good if you ask me. From the election, starting with those hate-filled republican debates, really casting a dark shadow over the year. And the massacres at a movie theater, a temple, a college, an army base & a school along with rampant racism on the internet and talk radio & it was like everybody was in such a bad mood all year.

Breathe.

I’m here to tell you, (I’ve been to the future so listen to me)

2013 was… I mean… will be AWESOME.

Trust me, I’m a Doctor.

"No. I'm the Doctor"

“No. I’m the Doctor”

Doctor who?

Happy New Year Everybody

– Mel

Doctor Who: The Snowmen (2012 Christmas Special)

I thought she said “Man”. I’ll have to watch it again.

I also like Clara more than Amy. I liked Amy’s hero worship but she wasn’t the brightest of companions. Oswin is brilliant. I re-watched Asylum of the Daleks to prep. And when she looks directly at the camera and says “Remember me.” I know that’s significant. So I can’t wait to see what Steven & the gang have in store. I’m so excited. I kind of hope (but I know he won’t) that he kills her in every episode. That she dies every week. But that’s a little dark. (and a little too Kenny) I didn’t like the four part Goodbye Ponds episodes. So I’m looking forward to the next 8. And Strax may come from a warrior race but he’d be the first to tell you that… he’s a nurse.

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay

Doctor Who - The Snowmen

The Doctor as Scrooge? Why not? Steven Moffat pulls it off perfectly in this cracking Christmas Special, with the Doctor living in a cloud of his own misery, reached by a retractable ladder and an ornate, circular iron staircase (“It’s taller on the inside”). In keeping with his mood, he’s dressed in shabby Victorian clothes, dented top hat, and sans bow tie. The TARDIS could do with a lick of paint as well.

It is, of course, because of losing the Ponds – “He suffered losses which hurt him,” as Madame Vastra explains to Clara, who has a more down-to-earth take on it, “Mad.” The Doctor is indulging in a massive sulk, refusing to help humanity, until Clara appears like a force of nature to get him up and running.

While the Doctor still has loyal friends – Madame Vastra, her wife, Jenny, and Strax, the Sontaran warrior brought…

View original post 510 more words

5 Quick Reviews of 5 Movies on DVD this Month: Turn Off Your Brain Edition

This month I bring you 5 Turn Your Brain Off Movies. Just sit back and enjoy them but don’t think about these films too hard. They either have plot holes, are incredibly silly, are mindless fun or weren’t very good at all.

You want me to turn off my what now?

You want me to turn off my what now?

Not you Alice, sweetie. Just keep doing what you do.

You’ll see that, for 3 of these movies I was able to turn my brain off and really enjoy myself but for the other 2… I was not.

To the list.

First up…

The Bourne Legacy (Universal)

Directed by Tony Gilroy

Written by Tony & Dan Gilroy

The Bourne Legacy

Starring Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, Ed Norton & Joan Allen

Action Spy Thriller

I tried to enjoy this movie (I love and own all three Matt Damon Bourne flicks) But I was bored.

Rachel Weisz & Jeremy Renner

Rachel Weisz was good (as always. She is an amazing actress) however Jeremy Renner was bland and Ed Norton was just average and I was bored.

Jeremy Renner in The Bourne Legacy

There are some really fine stunts and action sequences. And I liked the way they showed you where the Jason Bourne story was in relation to each act of this one, but it only served to remind me of how much I missed Matt and wished this was a JASON Bourne movie. maybe I’m just biased because I loved the first three movies so much but I never got into this one. I would have rather read the book.

Rent or Pass (It doesn’t really matter. I was bored)

Next we have…

Looper (TriStar Pictures & Alliance Films)

Written & Directed by Rian Johnson

Looper Poster

Starring Bruce Willis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (but not his nose) & Emily Blunt

Science Fiction Time Travel Thriller

I really enjoyed this movie but it is, at its core, an exercise in not thinking too much. It gets a bit Timey-Wimey (If you know what I mean… Whovians know) And you have to stop yourself from contemplating the paradoxes or you will end up in a loop of your own creation.

Bruce Willis & Joesph Gordon-Levitt

But Looper is so well-written, well-acted, well-directed and just an overall fantastic film, that it doesn’t matter. If you can ignore its paradoxical nature, you will find that it is one of the best movies of 2012. Having said that, if you think about it humongous plot holes appear (unless you consider over-lapping universes or branching timelines – something not mentioned in the story) I like a good time travel story. And this is a good time travel story.

Rent (I may buy this one. I liked it a lot)

Next…

Resident Evil: Retribution (Screen Gems)

Written & Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

Resident Evil: Retribution

Starring Milla Jovavich & Michelle Rodriguez

Science Fiction Action Horror

The latest installment in the Resident Evil franchise is fun, if also very dumb. But still… fun. It must be hard to make a good video game movie because there aren’t any. And this is no exception. But it has fun fight scenes and cool shootouts and great casting (all of Alice’s past foes are back). So, it’s a pretty good movie.

Milla Jovovich

However, there are continuity issues throughout (she destroys her car door on a motorcycle and then it miraculously reappears in the next scene, for starters) But Michelle Rodriguez is hot as fuck and Milla still kicks serious ass.

Michelle Rodriguez in Resident Evil: Retribution

And even with the blatant Alien & Aliens rip-offs in the story-line, this was a decent, while still mindless, video game movie.

Rent

Next… oh no not this one

Men In Black 3 (Guys in suits w/ small minds)

Directed by Somebody

Written by Some Other People

Men In Black 3 Poster

Not the Men In Black 3 Poster

Starring the usual suspects (There’s a good movie. The Usual Suspects. Rent that instead)

Unnecessary Sequel

My review is as follows… NO.

Stop making these Men In Black movies. They are a waste of money. The first one was sort of good. The second one was redundant but at least it gave us Rosario Dawson. This one, however,  is clearly just so that there’s three of them. You know, the whole trilogy thing.

The Best Scene in the MIB3

Not a picture of Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones or Someone Else Who Should Know Better Than To Do Another One Of These from the movie Men In Black 3

There’s 3 of them now, guys. You can stop.

Please stop.

Pass on this – OBVIOUSLY

Next up some comedy…

Ted (Universal)

Written & Directed by Seth MacFarlane

Ted Movie Poster

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane & the wonderful Mila Kunis

Romantic Fantasy Adult Comedy

Ted is so fucking funny. I Love Seth MacFarlane’s humor and Mila Kunis (can’t never get enough Mila). They are so funny, it almost made me forget that I was watching Mark Wahlberg (Though he’s a pretty decent straight man).

Ted & The Girls

There are plot holes in this one as well but they are acceptable because it’s silly and so damn funny. In fact my only real problem with this movie, if I had to find one, is that Ted (the talking teddy bear) sounds so much like Peter Griffin from Family Guy (also voiced by MacFarlane) that it threw me off a little. But in the end this is a very funny, sort of sweet, semi-romantic but hysterically fucking funny movie.

Mila Kunis in Ted

What about me, Mel.

And Mila Kunis. We must never forget Mila Kunis.

Rent this one but turn off your brain first.

So to recap:

  • The Bourne Legacy is a great story yet I think they go out of their way to make sure that Matt Damon can come back & it suffers.

But rent it anyway

  • Looper is a great story yet because they don’t try to explain away the time paradoxes, you have to do it yourself.

But rent it anyway

  • Resident Evil: Retribution is a great video game story. Swarm Levels, Boss Battles, Co-op Modes & Finishing Moves, yet it is mindless.

But rent it anyway

  • Ted is a great story yet it can be silly, juvenile, crass & fantastical.

But rent it anyway

And a 5th movie that I can’t remember right now.

Fuck You Men In Black 3

Fuck You Men In Black 3

Oh yeah.

See you at the movies

– Mel