Webster’s defines bisexual as: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward both sexes. My mother defines bisexual as: the reason women get AIDS. All my life I’ve heard the opinion that bisexuals were confused about their sexuality. Confused? I’m not confused about my sexuality. I have never been confused about my sexuality.
I’ve liked girls since I was 5 years old but I found out that I liked boys, as well, about 3 years later. At 5 or 6 years old I liked to grab women’s legs. I would latch on to a pair of legs if they wandered too close while I was at the market with my mom. It was the early 70’s and mini skirts were everywhere (god I miss those days). So what was a young pervert to do? My mom says she would have to apologize for me as she peeled me off of a shapely pair of legs in public. (And if you’re not new to my blog then you know that I’ve been a leg man ever since)
But when I was 8 years old I started noticing the older boys in their shorts and I got the same urge to reach out and grab a leg (if you know what I mean). I remember there was this one boy one summer, I didn’t know his name, he was a lot older than me and he was noticeably bulging along his inner thigh, so when we were all sitting around joking I reached over, in front of everybody and grabbed it. I put my hand on the bulge in his shorts and asked innocently, “what’s this?” (I knew what it was) He said “That’s my dick.” And we all laughed and laughed and laughed some more. And after we all stopped laughing, I removed my hand.
When I discovered I liked boys it didn’t stop me from liking girls. Not even a bit. I didn’t even know what bisexual was when I was a teen. I knew what gay was and I knew it was something you hid from other kids to not have them look at you like you had three heads. But hiding my homosexual side was easy for me because I LOVED women. I loved all kinds of women. So I wasn’t pretending to like girls. I was just pretending not to like the guys just as much. Over the years I became the king of the non-gender specific pronoun. It was always somebody, someone, they then we or it, was nice. I could go an entire kiss & tell session without ever using he or she. But I was still lying. Being good with words didn’t stop me from being a liar. Not to myself, I’ve never been in denial, but to the people I cared about.
And before you start thinking that maybe I’d like girls with dicks. Not necessarily. I mean I like Ice Cream and I like Pizza and yes I could have them together in the same meal (Mmm. Wait, what was I saying?) Oh yeah, I don’t want ice cream on my pizza.
But make no mistake I love ice cream. I love ice cream with a passion. I just also like pizza. And no I’m not going to choose. I don’t think I should have to choose except to say to choose a person. I have always been a relationship type of guy. Not a game player. I like people. I like hearts and minds and eyes and smiles. I find human beings very attractive. But it’s that sentiment, that feeling I got that people wanted me to pick a side, that made me, when I first came out, feel more secure with telling people I was gay than telling them I was bisexual. As if bisexuality was ostracized by both communities. Don’t hate us straight people. Don’t hate us gay people. We are not freaks. We are the bridge. We are the missing link between hetero & homo.
Don’t hate me because I’m amorous.
But frankly it was easier meeting people when I was high or when I was drunk. You could meet a girl in a club or a bar and open with, “Hi, I have cocaine.” Didn’t work every time but it worked most of the time. Or you could be taking Ecstasy and some dude is rubbing on you and you’re thinking “I don’t know this man… ooh, I do now.” But these days without my personality crutch, I’ve become less hetero, less homo, less bi and just A. Really just straight A. Grade A. All A. But I’ve gotten really good at it so I’m going to give myself an A+.
-Pride (& Lust & strangely enough Gluttony)
- My Bisexual Guilt (persephonemagazine.com)
- Bi God, Somebody Listen (Wild Reed) (queerchurchnews.wordpress.com)
- It’s A Sin? Frank Ocean & Prejudice Against Male Bisexuality (thequietus.com)