One Sunday I awoke and decided to take the day off. It was nice and sunny out and I’m essentially the boss of me, so what the hell. I will do some grocery shopping. I try not to venture out into the world too much, you see, because we have an uneasy truce the world and I. But this day I would make an exception.
I put on a heavy jacket because, even though it was technically spring, it could get really cold in the shade and it also gets pretty windy in New York in April. Sometimes it even snows. So I figured it’s better to be prepared.
Speaking of prepared, I made a list of the things I needed. I’ve found that there is nothing like being organized. I listed the items with the quantities, their most recent costs and in the third column possible substitutes for my favorite brands if the market was out. I will be in and out of that store in no time, or so I thought. And it would be because I was prepared.
Then I grabbed my canvas grocery bags. I have a few of the canvas bags because I try to be good to the environment. We don’t do plastic in my house. It doesn’t take much to do the right thing by Mother Earth. And it makes you feel good. And it sets a good example for the kids.
So I set out for the store. There’s a market closer to my house but I’ve found the extra few blocks that I have to walk to get to the larger market is well worth it for the lower prices, better selection and it’s a good walk on a nice day. As I remember it, I think I whistled the whole way there.
But when I finally arrived, the store was closed. It was fucking Easter. Who knew it was fucking Easter? I’m standing there with my stupid canvas look-at-me-I’m-a-douche bags and my grocery list that screams “I have severe crippling OCD.” in front of a shuttered store. And every single person walking by is looking at me thinking “Aren’t you a little overdressed there grandpa. It’s springtime and you’re wearing a winter coat.”
You know this is precisely what is wrong with this country: Stores closing on holidays, People using holidays as an excuse to take the day off from work, And other folks living such a sheltered lives they don’t even know it’s Easter.
I’m going back to bed.