I had a dream the other night. I dreamed that I was tracking a swamp monster. A gigantic swamp creature. Some of them were 20 or 30 feet but this one must have been 50 feet tall.
I was hunting it because it was widely believed that it was full of crude oil. That it was made of it. Every one of these swamp creatures had oil for blood which was why they were highly coveted by men like me. The Big Game Hunters. (I know I know but it was a dream)
That morning, I awoke with a plan to solve our global energy crisis. We pave the wetlands. We bulldoze the rain forests. It would create jobs, with millions of people cutting down trees and filling in swamps with concrete. But the best part is that it would force these swamp creatures from their hiding places then we could kill them. We could kill them all and drain their oil. Thus solving all of our energy problems for good. It’s so simple.
Now… before you object. Know that I thought this over for 5 whole minutes before writing this down and I already know how to respond.
Everyone’s going to say you can’t cut down all the forests and pave over the wetlands because trees absorb carbon dioxide and give us oxygen. Trees give us oxygen. You hear it over and over. But trees don’t give us oxygen. That’s just crazy talk. God gives us oxygen. God does. God. And we’re not going to go after God. Pave over or cut down God. That’s just stupid.
God isn’t made of oil.