“For Good” Performed by Kristin Chenoweth & Idina Menzel from WICKED the Musical

This is amazing. Goosebumps… tears… the whole nine yards.

Love these two. I can’t believe they haven’t sung together in 12 years. That’s a travesty. But this is gorgeous.

– Mel

10 Best Fights in Captain America: Civil War (SPOILERS)

This post is full of spoilers.

MASSIVE FUCKING SPOILERS!!!

Captain America Civil War

“Run away! He’s gonna spoil the movie for us.”

I saw Captain America: Civil War on Friday. Yes. Yes. It is an amazing movie. Just like Winter Soldier, it’s more than just a comic book movie. It’s political intrigue and espionage. Very well-written and directed. Though it can be said that the entire movie is just a set-up for one incredibly cool battle sequence. But that’s alright with me. There is an epic battle in an airport that’s worth the price of admission. So many good match-ups in that sequence alone. Amazing.

One more time…

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Team Iron Man

Team Iron Man

Civil War is almost as good as that first Avengers movie (almost) and it too has some amazing match-ups. Some of the best superhero on superhero fight scenes since the original. I loved it. I loved every minute of it.

Team Captain America

Team Captain America

Here is my top ten list of my favorite fights in Civil War. Some fights are shorter than others but all have something about the match-up that I thought was cool. Pay attention. There’ll be a test later. It represents half of your grade.

Captain America: Civil War (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

Captain-America-Civil-War-Divided-We-Fall-Poster

Directed by Anthony Russo & Joe Russo

Written by Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely  Based on Captain America by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby

Starring Chris EvansRobert Downey Jr.Scarlett JohanssonSebastian StanAnthony MackieDon CheadleJeremy RennerChadwick BosemanPaul BettanyElizabeth OlsenPaul RuddEmily VanCampTom HollandFrank GrilloWilliam Hurt & Daniel Brühl

Civil War

“What do we do, Cap?”

“We fight.”

Kevin Hart

To the list…

10. Captain America vs. Brock/Crossbones

Crossbones vs Captain America

This is one of the first fights in Civil War. It’s everyone’s favorite Hydra bad guy Brock and he’s back looking a little worse for wear. He has some technological enhancements and he gives Cap a good fight in the opening sequence. Before getting blowed up good.

9. Black Widow & Sharon Carter vs. Winter Soldier

Black Widow vs Bucky's Scrote

These two women kick serious ass but this fight is brutal. Bucky is in full Winter Soldier mode, killing people right and left. Sharon and Natasha try to take him down.

Sharon Carter vs The Winter Soldier

They try to. These girls are not in his weight class. But it is one of the better choreographed fights. I like that the first thing Natasha does is punch him in the nuts. And Sharon gets to show off her fighting skills in this movie.

8. Spiderman vs. The Falcon

This is one of the funnier fights. Spiderman is definitely the comic relief on the Iron Man side. We know Spidey. He will talk a bad guy’s ear off while kicking his ass. Spiderman kicks ass all over the place, talking shit the entire time. But in this battle Falcon finally tells him to shut the hell up.

7. Giant Man vs Team Iron Man

Giant-Man

Massive spoiler. Ant-man becomes Giant Man in that airport fight. It’s awesome. Changes the battle dynamic immensely and helps Cap and Bucky get away. This one was cool because Giant Man was one of the original avengers. Also if they do an Ant-man sequel, it will be interesting to know that he has this one in his back pocket. I also liked that Spiderman uses The Empire Strikes Back as a reference for how to beat him.

6. Black Panther vs. Captain America

Cap vs Panther

One of the coolest new characters is Black Panther. He brings the martial arts action and, in my opinion, kicks Captain America’s ass in a few small fights throughout the movie. I can’t wait to see what they do with the character in his own movie.

5. Ant-man vs Iron Man

Ant-Man

Ant-man shrinks down to a size small enough to get inside Iron Mans suit, Hawkeye fires him through the air and he starts pulling Iron Man apart from the inside. Only Tony’s new AI F.R.I.D.A.Y. saves him with the internal fire suppression system. Otherwise he was about to get undressed by the little guy.

4. Black Widow vs. Hawkeye (Broken up by Scarlet Witch)

This is a fun fight because they’re great friends and the entire time they’re chatting and it’s funny because they’re pulling their punches until Scarlet Witch just ends it for them because they weren’t really fighting. They were just sparring. Go fight other people.

3. Scarlet Witch vs. Vision

Scarlet Witch vs Vision

Speaking of Scarlet Witch we see again in this movie how she’s the strongest and in some ways the weakest Avenger. Wanda takes Vision down brutally. Also they hint at the future romance between them. It’s very cute. Making the way she brutally kicks his ass even more heart-breaking. She forces him first to his knees and then through the floor and through the ground and just buries him in a hole like a mile deep. The only way it could have been more crushing is if he were in the middle of telling her how much he loved her when she did it.

2. Spiderman vs. Captain America

Spiderman vs Captain America

Seriously Spiderman has some of the best fights. He takes on both Cap and Bucky and not only holds his own but kicks ass. I say “kick ass” a lot in this post because that’s basically all that happens in Civil War. A lot of kicking ass. I like that Iron Man sends Spidey to fight Cap. Not because they’re about equal strength but because Cap doesn’t know him and Captain America’s biggest strength is his tactical mind. So Tony sends a complete unknown after him and he kicks Cap’s ass… for a while.

1. Iron Man vs Captain America & Bucky

Final Battle

After all the cool fights, the best fight by far is the climactic battle with Iron Man fighting Captain America and Bucky. This is the coolest because Cap and Bucky are fighting together like they’ve known each other for decades. Oh that’s right they have. And neither one could take Iron Man alone. And for most of the movie the fights aren’t as brutal as they could be because everyone is a good guy and no one is trying to kill anybody…

Final Battle 2

Except for in the last fight where the gloves come off. And they are trying to beat the shit out of each other. This is the epic battle the movie builds to and it does not disappoint.

Captain-America-Civil-War

Some Random Thoughts:

Steve is so old school, he had to wait for Peggy Carter to die before making moves on her niece Sharon. That was considerate.

I have never liked the fact that Spiderman made his own suit. I’m more okay with him making his on web slingers. It’s much more believable that Stark Industries whipped a cool costume up for him. After the credits they show off some of the cool tech they included for the Spiderman movie. Can’t wait. Tom Holland is great as a young Spidey.

No one was more disappointed than I when Black Widow didn’t throw down with King T’challa’s gorgeous female body-guard. I would have paid extra for that one.

Bucky vs Iron Man or Bucky's Arm vs an Arc Reactor

The trailer leads us to believe that Bucky disables War Machine and that’s why Tony is going after him with deceptive editing. It’s Tony’s arc reactor that he tries to rip out (before Tony blows his fucking arm away) and it’s Vision who destroys War Machine’s reactor by accident because he’s worried about Wanda. I hate when trailers are creatively edited so that it changes the plot of the movie.

War Machine down

Tony was willing to use his arc reactor on Bucky but wasn’t willing to use it on Steve. In my opinion that’s the only reason he loses that final fight. He blasted Thor with it in the first movie. He hit Bucky with it and it disintegrated his arm. Had he used it on Cap when Cap was on top of him… fight over. Of course it may have killed him.

I thought Batman v. Superman was bad before but now that I can compare it to Civil War, it is pure crap. DC movies suck ass… honestly.

Captain America

“Language.”

So in conclusion, Captain America : Civil War is a great movie. With some great fights and a good story. I’m still #TeamIronMan though. Just sign the damn accords Cap. What the hell, man.

Now here comes the new quiz.

Talk to you guys later.

– Mel

Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Room

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Room (A24)

Room Poster

Directed by Lenny Abrahamson

Written by Emma Donoghue  Based on Room by Emma Donoghue

Starring Brie LarsonJacob TremblayJoan AllenSean Bridgers & William H. Macy

Room is a heart-wrenching story of a woman held captive for several years in a garden shed that becomes home to her and the son she has with her rapist and kidnapper. It is hard to watch at times. I think I started crying about a minute in. But it is a great movie with two fantastic performances from the mother and son. This is not a movie. Room is an experience. One that I highly recommend.

Verdict: SPARED

Room cast

First of all, Brie Larson is incredible in this movie. I love her. I’ve loved her before. But I really love her now. This is an awesome performance. All of the emotions are there on the screen and all of the emotions are forced onto the viewer. Room is a cascade of emotions. A tour-de-force of crying your fucking eyes out. As a child of abuse, I think I started crying two minutes in. I started crying again when I realized why the title of the movie isn’t The Room but just Room and then again when fuck it… by the end of this film I needed fluids. Okay? No joke. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Jacob Tremblay in Room

But it’s Jacob Tremblay who is the true star and the main subject of Room. The movie is told from his character’s point of view and he has never seen outside room. He was born in room. And doesn’t even believe there is such a thing as outside of room. (I may cry right fucking now) He is in every scene and the movie is shot from his height and through his awareness of his surroundings and his experiences. It’s shocking. And it’s jarring. And it’s intense. And the very definition of heart-wrenching because it’s all through the eyes of a child. So we’re living it… or re-living it as him.

Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay

It’s not giving anything away to let you know that they eventually get out of there. There are two parts to the film. In room and out of room. And it’s the similarities and differences in the two experiences that make the movie so good. I recommend it highly. Room is my favorite (non-action) film from last year. An incredible cinematic experience.

Room

Room is, as a matter of fact, one of the best films of all-time. Room is an insanely good movie. It really is. But if shit gets to you, then don’t even watch it. This movie made me so angry. And so sad. And so happy. And filled with such disgust. And such anger (did I mention the anger) And so scared. And so hopeful. And so incredibly drenched in tears.

Brie Larson in Room

Room is one of those movies that stays with you long after the credits are done and the awards have been handed out. And everyone’s patted themselves on the back for making such an emotionally powerful film. It is an amazing example of clever storytelling. Beautifully and skillfully directed, with two of the best performances of this century. Room is fantastic and that’s really all I can say. Except that there is nothing other than Room. Room is all there is.

Room is all there is

– Mel

Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Steve Jobs

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Steve Jobs (Universal Pictures)

Steve Jobs Poster

Directed by Danny Boyle

Written by Aaron Sorkin  Based on Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson

Starring Michael FassbenderKate WinsletSeth RogenJeff DanielsKatherine Waterston & Michael Stuhlbarg

Steve Jobs is just an okay movie. A fantastic script. Oh my god what a great script. It was almost like watching a stage play. The way it basically captures the same moment three separate times in the life of Steve Jobs. It is so unbelievably cool. But as a movie. As a work of cinema, I was underwhelmed. Director Danny Boyle is hit or miss. He has directed a few of my favorite films and I like him because he doesn’t have a genre. He can do it all. But in Steve Jobs he fails to get out-of-the-way of Aaron Sorkin’s great script. He tries to do more than he needs to. He had an amazing cast and an amazing script and there was no need for the cute little touches and clumsy attempts at film artistry. You can’t really spoil a bio-pic but still…

Verdict: SPOILED

Jobs the Manipulator

SPOILER ALERT

Steve Jobs is the story of three major tech projects in the man’s life. Two failures and one incredible success. Each act takes place moments before Steve Jobs is to walk out on a stage and present his vision to an audience of rabid fans. He was not an engineer or a coder or a business person. But the people who loved him and credited him with other’s work thought he was a god. What he was is a father, a showman and really every bit of an asshole. Not the most likable guy at all.

Jobs the Asshole

In each act, Steve Jobs has an interaction with those three actual people in his life: the coder, the engineer, the business person and those three aspects of himself: the father, the showman and the asshole. This is a sensational script. Aaron Sorkin has long been one of my writing aspirations. A level of cinematic realism and cool dialogue that I would have loved to have been able to match. The dialogue is perfect. The characters are dynamic and real and known within seconds of them walking on-screen. You know these people instantly. And all the relationships are heart-breaking. Truly an amazing screenplay.

Steve Jobs Cast

The three products featured aren’t Steves greatest works but represent pivotal moments in the innovators life. Two major failures and one incredible success. But the products take a backseat in the film. A backseat to the broken relationships that fuel their creation. They are just a platform for an operating system. A system that uses and abuses people to get their best. All cpu. No heart. Our hero, Steve Jobs, does not emerge from this beautifully written bio-pic as anything other than a master manipulator, out and out thief, horrible father and sometime genius.

Jobs the Father

Michael Fassbender is amazing (as always) as Steve Jobs. He disappears into every role he plays. Which is difficult because the man is gorgeous. I have a huge crush on Michael Fassbender. I think I’ve loved him in every thing I’ve seen him in. He’s even good in bad movies. He is one talented and beautiful man. In this, he plays Steve Jobs as someone who recognizes emotions in himself and in others but seems to despise them as a waste of his valuable time. Make no mistake, Steve Jobs is not the hero of his own movie… just a subject. Just a cold and mechanically calculating subject.

Jobs the Genius

But Danny Boyle, who has directed some of my favorite films, is too stylized here. His music choices and other creative choices scream “Look at me! I’m directing!” Steve Jobs is a fantastic script that all he really had to do was shoot as is. But he doesn’t do that. He wants you to see him directing. This script would make an incredible stage drama. This movie would make an incredible radio drama. And yes it even would have made an incredible movie. But the director seems too enamored with his own additions to it. And he damn near ruins it all with awful creative choices. It’s maddening. Because the man knows what he’s doing but here it’s like he’s forgotten. And again this is the director of at least five of my favorite hundred films of all-time. I love Danny Boyle. What happens here is Danny Boyle takes a large steaming dump on a really good movie idea.

Jobs the Maniac

Steve Jobs, the movie, is a great story and a great script with a great cast that is helmed by a great director. A director who takes these fantastic elements and turns them into a mediocre, maybe even bad, movie. Either because he was trying to compete with the screenwriter’s amazing artistry or… I don’t know… maybe he was trying to sabotage the thing. I really don’t know. It makes no sense. The weird choices he makes make absolutely no sense. And seem to serve only to annoy. What a waste.

– Mel

Spared or Spoiled Reviews: Jem and the Holograms

The rules are simple. The good get spared. The bad get spoiled.

Jem and the Holograms (Universal Pictures)

Jem and the Holograms poster

Directed by Jon M. Chu

Written by Ryan Landels  Based on Jem by Christy Marx

Starring Aubrey PeeplesStefanie ScottHayley KiyokoAurora PerrineauJuliette LewisRyan Guzman & Molly Ringwald

I don’t know for sure but this movie must have been written by a 12 year-old girl or something. It is unbelievably sloppy. This is the kind of story a kid makes up on the spot when asked. This is the scenario dreamed up while playing with toys on the kitchen floor. There is no intelligence or logic and no one associated with this movie knows anything about making them. Jem & the Holograms needs to be forgiven for being one of the worst movies of all-time because if there were adults involved in this they must all have brain tumors, large growths disturbing all cognitive function. I sometimes point out when a movie does everything wrong. Jem & the Holograms does nothing right. Nothing,

Verdict: SPOILED

Jem and the Holograms

SPOILER ALERT

Jem & the Holograms is the tale of a girl who becomes an overnight sensation. Except that she doesn’t. In the movie she puts one video up on YouTube and a record producer sends her on tour. Not a recording contract. That’s far-fetched enough but after hearing ONE song she is booked at large venues. Jem insists that her sisters be allowed to serve as her band and this too is agreed to because… I don’t know. This movie is crap. She had not heard any of them play a single note. She had only heard one song. And it was a video on YouTube. This is how the worst movie of all time begins.

Jem

There is a YouTube tie-in that forces the filmmakers (if I can call them that) to use a found footage format for most of the film. The narration is a video from the site and we are shown home movies and recordings of current and past events. Also interspersed throughout are real YouTube-ers playing music that becomes the movie’s soundtrack. But for some reason, beyond these things, the director chooses to shoot the rest of the film handheld. The camera shakes in establishing shots and close-ups and for the rest of the film. It’s a found footage style without the found footage. It’s awful.

jem-and-the-holograms is truly truly outrageous

The film should be a musical but it’s like the screenwriter forgets to include songs. And it’s supposed to be an adventure but it’s like the screenwriter forgets to add any. So they drop in some crappy scavenger hunt with only two locations. It’s supposed to be a wacky and fun comedy but the screenwriter forgets this as well, and tries to make everything dire and serious. And when it’s supposed to be dire and serious, it’s like the screenwriter forgets this too and every conflict is solved in the loopiest and flimsiest of manners. Jem and the Holograms is one of the worst written movies of all-fucking-time.

The Holograms

The actors can’t play music. I know that usually doesn’t matter but they also can’t act like they know how to play music. So what’s the point? They aren’t able to act like they’re playing the instruments. So there goes that. They can’t even keep a beat. She’s strumming at the oddest times and changing her fingering when there is no change. They can’t even fake it. Jem & the Holograms is outrageously bad. Truly, truly.

Jem-and-the-Holograms

And the main plot is stupid. The writer knows nothing about music or the music business. The subplot is hokey. Any conflicts are solved in moments. There’s a part where she goes solo and abandons all of her “sisters” and then she feels bad about it so goes back to her childhood home that she hasn’t visited in years and then all her sisters show up there because they know somehow where she is at all times and they all forgive her because they saw how she was sitting on the steps in slow motion and shit, and you got to forgive somebody after seeing that. It’s slow motion for Christ’s sake. And then the love interest shows up because he must know where she grew up from all the stalking he does or something and then they decide to break into the music company office building to rescue Jem’s earrings from the CEO’s safe because she needs them to activate the last clue on a robot her father built before he died. (I’m not kidding) Because when she was taking promo pictures in that office she had to remove her cheap fucking earrings, so the CEO offered to put them in her office safe for safe keeping instead of just letting the girl put them in her pocket or her bag or anywhere. On a table. It makes no sense. So instead of waiting for the building to open since none of this is time sensitive, they decide to break in. Well not break in more like… you know what. The movie is bad.

The worst movie of all-time Jem and the Holograms

Badly written, horribly acted, stupidly photographed and edited with YouTube videos added for filler and pop music that sounds like it came from a kit… a pop music kit that you assemble with plastic rainbow-colored pieces. With nothing done right and everything all wrong, Jem & the Holograms is the worst movie of all-time. It’s official.

Jem is bad

All hail the Queen.

– Mel